*That* Kind of Mom

The other day I was driving home with a friend, and the topic of discipline came up.  My friend (not a mama yet) mentioned that she thought discipline was probably the hardest and worst part of motherhood.  I just completely disagree, so I thought I'd blog it and expound upon my thoughts, since nobody is forced to read or listen to me here (lucky you!)

First (disclaimer) - I only have two children, both girls.  Second (disclaimer) - my children are 3 and 1, I have no experience raising teens.  Third (disclaimer) - my children only seem to have moderate stubborn streaks, and so far accept the styles of discipline I've tried.  (For example, my 1yr old will sit in time out for a whole minute without moving away, after she's done something she knows is against house rules, like stomping in the dog's water dish.)

Onto thoughts:  I love discipline.  I agree that the act of spanking, or whatever form you choose to use, is gut-wrenching to administer, but how much worse to not discipline just because it's hard? Yikes.  There have been moments I've lived through as a mom when my precious child has done something, purposefully, that has unleashed serious anger in my heart.  In those moments, the act of discipline becomes gut-wrenching in a different way --- as in Dear God help me to subdue my emotions and discipline my child in LOVE so that they will actually learn!!!  It is so hard to be self-controlled sometimes.  But still, even when I do fail completely (it happens, aren't you shocked!!?), and react in anger to their naughtiness, right after that comes a beautiful opportunity to express repentance.  I want my children to know that only God is infallible.  (Seems obvious? but remember when you were a little kid, and your parents were like gods in your eyes? or was that just me?)  I cherish the tender moments when I snuggle them into my lap, finally heeding my conscience, and ask for forgiveness.  Then we usually pray together, not only for an obedient heart in them, but a more patient and graceful heart for us all.  Then, there are times when I keep my cool - blessedly more often than not - and I enjoy the challenge of discipline.  I enjoy the creativity it requires to find reality-based punishments that suit the crime, now that Eva, at 3yrs, is actively outgrowing the effectiveness of time-outs.  I enjoy knowing that my child is better for the boundaries I set (we set) and keep.  I love the effects of  God-inspired discipline.  I enjoy the tender moment after discipline, when we hug and forgive and talk.

All this being said, I also enjoy the task of choosing what ground I need to fight for and what can just slide.  Not every battle needs to be fought (thank you Debby).  My children are also better for knowing that there is a time and a place for silliness - games of chase, feet on the table, jumping on the bed... you catch my drift.

I also enjoy welcoming my husband home and not having to say, "So and so did this today and is waiting for you to punish them."  My children know that both mama and daddy mean business.  That makes things run so much more smoothly, not only for the kids, but also the huz! How wonderful to welcome him home to a place of peace.  And peace is a rule here.  I keep the peace.  If the peace is upset over a toy, that toy is gone.  If the kids won't play nicely with each other and peace is gone, both children are expected to help solve and work it out, until peaceful playing is resumed.  (By peaceful playing, I mean play that both are happy with, not necessarily quiet, girly, stuff - you can wrestle peacefully - if both kids are willing!) The peace rule helps me to teach against tattling, too.

I went to the WIC office today to finally renew our food benefits, and had a lovely discipline experience.  First, in the waiting room, Zaya discovered the echo and was screaming joyfully over and over and over... but we weren't the only family in the waiting room.  I needed her to quiet down, but you really can't wallop a kid in the WIC waiting room, AND wallops aren't known for their quieting effect either. ;o)  Normally, in this situation, I'd resort to a discreet pinch to her upper thigh, but it just wasn't bad enough behavior to warrant that kind of punishment, in my book.  Her heart was joyful, and she had never been in this situation before.  It wasn't willful disobedience.  But, because she knows I mean business, she did take it down a notch after I went up to her, right at her level and told her to "shush."  Good kid.  Moments later she was back to screeching, but I just kept trying to teach her... I didn't get bent out of shape about it.  I did apologize to the other mom and her young son sharing the waiting room with us though.  Zay's exuberance totally freaked him out.

Then, they called us back to a tiny officey room, to check Zaya's growth and go over her nutritional needs.  They left the door open.  Eva sat quietly in a chair and talked to the WIC lady.  "I'm six," she said.  HA!  Zaya walked out the door.  I warned her at the door that it was a "boundary," - a word she's been hearing over and over again since she first learned how to crawl up the stairs.  She stopped just outside the door, and I asked her to come back please.  She smirked and waited.  So did I.  Then, she happily toddled back in.  She played for a bit on the floor, then spotted the door again, and walked toward it.  This time, she paused before leaving.  "Boundary, Zay, make the right choice," I said.  And she walked out.  I got up, discretely pinched her on the thigh (not so discrete since I told you!) --- (pinch your own thigh to know that these are very light/quick pinches and yet still very effective at administering a sting without bruising or abusing).  I walked her back through the doorway and said, "Boundary, Zay, make the right choice."  Zaya stood there as I walked back to my chair, a pout on her face.  Seconds later, she was smiling and playing on the floor until someone walked by the door.  Up and toddling back to the doorway, she peered out ... but stayed inside.  She snuck a glance at me and saw I was watching... smiled... and waited.  The WIC lady got up, and said, "I'll just close the door."  (We had been talking over everything whilst the Zay-capades were a-happening).  "You don't have to," I said.  "I prefer the challenge of discipline.  Otherwise, motherhood is just to easy," I joked.  "Oh," she said, "You're that kind of mom."

She kept the door closed.

I suppose the interruptions were getting to her a bit... but boy, the room sure got stuffy after that.  Blech.

Here's a jillion apprope Scriptures that I love to lean on (NLT):

Proverbs 13:24
Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.

Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your children while there is hope.Otherwise you will ruin their lives.

Proverbs 20:30
Physical punishment cleanses away evil; such discipline purifies the heart.

Proverbs 22:15
A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness,but physical discipline will drive it far away.

Proverbs 23:13
Don’t fail to discipline your children.They won’t die if you spank them.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Hebrews 12:6
For the Lord disciplines those he loves,and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”

Hebrews 12:11
No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

Revelation 3:19
I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.


Heavenly Father, thank You for blessing me so richly with my two daughters.  They absolutely fill my heart to overflowing.  Please, help me to keep them at the right priority level throughout my life, just below You and my husband.  Thank You for everything You've shown me so far about discipline, and open my eyes to what I do not yet see.  Please help me to continue to evolve my tactics as they grow up. Help me to transition in parenting style as they transition from being completely dependant on me to independent, God-fearing, helpful additions to society!  Please help all of the young mothers I know in this area, Lord, as we all need your guidance in such unique ways.  Thank You for the gift of knowing that my parenting style is right for my children, and that other's styles are right for their children.  Thank You that my husband and I are on the same page with discipline, and please bless those out there that are not with the guidance and understanding that will bring them to agreement (with each other and You!)  Finally, Lord, please bless the discipline I give to positively affect my children and help them to understand Your Love for them, even at this young age.  Lord, I love how motherhood keeps me on my knees before you daily.  Thank You.  Thank You.