~Jes~

String Bean Hoya

2012-01-25T21:28:00.000-05:00

In 1999, when I was living with my Gramma Birdie (my love for indoor plants runs deep)
I took a cutting from her String Bean Hoya
In the years since, it has grown very little, and only bloomed once
Until now! It's shot out a ton of new growth since summer 2011
and is COVERED with baby buds and blooms :D
This makes me so happy.

baby buds

baby baby buds (these are EVERYWHERE!)

the Hoya is the one on the Right. See how it's creepin??
On the Left is a Burrows Tail
and center is my Fukien Tea Bonsai :D

the sweet star-shaped flowers are tiny,
but they pack a big hyacinth-like smell :D

A Good Night for Snuggling

2012-01-12T21:24:00.002-05:00

Even Migo is snuggled under a blanket!

It's finally snowing tonight! Maybe we'll get 6" by tomorrow morning, which is fabulous, since it's been around 50˙F for most of January. Also, it's scary because Robbie is working 2nd shift in Holland, and will be driving the company van home at 1am... but the Lord is in control, and I'm no worrier. (Praise God for that! ... Also, Robbie's been blessed by God with mad driving skillz when it comes to reacting in bad conditions... He's the guy that goes out and rescues people, when it storms like this. That's my man!)

I'm trying to start a sewing project (hem some new jeans, make a quilt from old jeans) but I can't find my straight pins!! AUGH! I can't sew without my pins!! :P

So yeah. Bored and blogging. I should stop. This is like one of my rambling answering machine messages, isn't it.

Potty Training 2.0

2012-01-09T21:40:00.001-05:00

Today is Zaya's first official day of potty training. She cut two of the four canines that I was concerned about, and has almost cut the last two. By yesterday she was asking to go potty on the toilet 9 out of 10 times, and keeping her diaper dry during the day... soooooo, I finally came to grips with the fact that I no longer have a baby and began the diligent process of diaper un-training. She actually did very well!! She had an accident early in the morning, when I was washing breakfast dishes and not paying enough attention, and then again #1'd on the floor after our late-night (read: 6:30pm) snack while I was distracted by a phone call. As long as I took her to the potty about every 20 minutes, we were fine. (Yes, she peed every time. She doesn't hold it at all, very different from Eva the camel-bladdered girl.) She even #2'd on the toilet, quite impressively - almost didn't catch that one! And then later, while in the bathtub after dinner, she told me she needed to go potty (got her sudsy self out of the tub and walked into the kitchen to get me to say so), and then pulled me into the bathroom, positioned her stool and herself and proceeded to #2 again (NOT in the tub!!! HOORAY!!!) Pretty proud of this girl.

My potty training idea for Zaya is that we will keep her naked from the waist down for a week, to help her become aware of what's happening down there and reduce laundry from accidents. After a week, with success, we will buy undies and try just that on her bottom for week 2. If week 2 goes well, I aim to have a fully dressed child by week 3. Naps will be in extra absorbent training undies, just in case, and night time will be in Pull-ups until I get an idea of how she's getting the hang of things. Tonight, I had to put her in a dipe for bed time, since I have yet to buy any Pull-ups. This is pretty similar to what we did with Eva, except that Eva always woke up with a dry diaper, naps and overnight, from age 6 months on, so we just switched completely when we potty trained, and went overnight from the get-go. Zaya usually wets overnight and during naps... so we'll see.

I'm very appreciative of everyone's support! Here's some pics from today:

half naked piano playing, with accompanyment by Eva & Daddy

our sweet fort, complete with secret entrance (not pictured) ;D

what? you don't let your children stand on window sills? Why not? (empty bird feeder noted)

My trainer girl :D

UPDATE:

Day 2: zero accidents all day, even went 45 minutes with no potty break toward the end of the day. :D

Day 3: 3 accidents - BUT one amazing breakthrough - in the middle of play, Zaya stopped, yelled, "Potty! Potty! and ran to the toilet, climbing on by herself. She proceeded to #2 quite impressively (impressed herself more than anyone :D) She exclaimed, "Look dis! Look dis! Big un! Big un! Did it!!" Over and over :D But then, because it was so exciting, she apparently didn't quite finish, and less than 15 minutes later, pooped on the floor :P Two pee accidents too. No real progress in taking herself without reminders. However, she did cut one of the remaining two teeth I was waiting for today, along with the expected diaper rash - even sans diaper :P
Day 4: no accidents, but did not make it through nap time dry - thinking that's because she napped an HOUR longer than usual, and when I heard her stirring the first time (about her regular wake up time) I did not go up to race her to the potty). She did tell me it was time for a potty break tonight, while we were getting ready for bed, hopped on the pot and peed a lot :D now that's a first! No #2 today, so tomorrow should be fun! (This girl eats so many veggies, I have no idea how she manages to only poop every other day... TMI!) Spaced potty breaks out to 45 minutes apart today. Expecting that last tooth to cut through tomorrow, rash is very slight.
Day 7: very discouraging, she peed on the floor - after having helped empty the toy box, peed on all the toys; and refused to poop ALL DAY despite really needing to. Finally, after keeping her up 1.5hrs past bedtime and all of my patience and her stubbornness ran out, she did poop on the toilet.
Day 8: no accidents all day, wet pull-up after nap, pooped about 10 minutes after waking up - she came to me, upset, saying, "booty poo poo" (I assumed the worst) but she was all clean! She climbed on the toilet and did her thang :D SO PROUD! Glad to be putting these updates here, so that if there's a next time I potty train, I can have realistic memories of it :D I'm pretty sure Eva only peed on the floor twice... and had it down after a week. We've decided to go another week with no undies on Zaya, to really drive it home. The last tooth is cut, too :D
Day 9: no accidents, was reminded to go a few times, went on her own a few times. Working on teaching her to wait on the pot until she is wiped :P Expecting #2 tomorrow, hoping for less drama. Really seemed like we reached a breakthrough point between day 8 and 9. Very proud. (alllmost dry after nap today too - only lost one butterfly picture on the pull-up, instead of filling the thing. She woke up very sad about it - pretty sure her pee woke her up)
Day 12: Only one accident in 3 days - gave the child a TON of water, just to see and no, she didn't quite get it :D Lots of pee on the kitchen floor. First time the accident was on the tile, and not carpet, so HOORAY. Today has been very good - she finally understands that "toots" are different than #2, and is asking to go potty much less often. I finally realized the crazy rash on her booty is from the Pampers Easy Ups and NOT from cutting the last tooth. YIKES. I put her in a regular dipe twice today to keep the rash cream on, and not only did she ask to take it off to go potty, she also seems to be healing quickly. Boy though, did it get bad before I heard the knowledgeable voice of the Lord. In #2 news, she seems to be experiencing "poop pain" before needing to go, and is fearful of the pain - so she's holding it FOREVER. I have decided to back off completely on the #2 aspect (no more waiting with her and encouraging her for over an hour). She'll do it when she's relaxed and ready, and not before. I don't want it to become a control issue or anything worse, so backing off seems the wisest path to Rob and I.
Day 14: (Sunday) Took Zay to church today in extra absorbent training undies. Did 3 potty breaks while there, and she even fearlessly tried to #2. After church had to run to Meijer, and that, apparently took to long, because just as we arrived back home and she was taken from her car seat, she let it alllll go, and #1'd all over. Ah well, I'm still proud BECAUSE, about 10 minutes after we got home, she ran to me, as I was distracted with lunch preparations, saying, "Potty! Potty!" quite urgently :D She then took herself to the bathroom, climbed up by herself, and #2'd waaaaay more than I could have thought was possible, without any fuss or fear. #2'd later today as well. No more accidents today. Will wear undies tomorrow, without pants, while at home. Am now going start adventure training as well (today's church trip was her first time going anywhere without a pull-up on...)

Grandma Birdie's Bone Soup

2012-01-06T20:30:00.000-05:00

My Grandma Birdie (...okay, okay, her name was Lynette G. Robb, and she was my dad's mom. She lived in the woods and had a beautiful home with large windows. Birds would fly into her windows sometimes and die ... and she would save them in her freezer -inside a baggie - to take to ... somewhere? I don't know, I never asked... but that's how she got the name. And I digress...) was an amazing cook. To this day I love to fill my kitchen with the familiar smells of her spaghetti, her roasts and her bone soup.

Here's how she did it:

She saved the stuff you cut off of your carrots, celery, and onion to make a stock, often using the bones from a Meijer rotisserie chicken (usually with some meat left on it). She covered that with water and simmered it for at least 6 hours if not alllllll day. She would add a few bay leaves and salt. After the stock has simmered slowly all day (do not boil hard, or your broth will be cloudy), she would strain out the bones, and veggies and leave the good broth in a bowl in the fridge (covered) over night. She would painstakingly pick the meat off the bones and toss it back into the broth. The next morning, all the fat will have risen to the top of the now congealed soup (gelatin comes from bones & is very good for you) and you can scrape that off to make your soup less greasy and better for you! She would then chop more onion, carrot and celery and add it to the soup, along with about a 1/4 cup of brown rice and some chicken bouillon.

Here's how I do it:

I save chicken and ham bones, carrot ends, celery leaves, onion peels and garlic castaways in a ziploc in the the freezer. Then, when it's soup-making time, I buy a package of split chicken breasts with rib meat. Usually very cheap. I also get a bag of carrots, an onion, a stalk of celery and some mushrooms. I prep all my veggies ahead of time so that the parts I don't want in the finished soup can go in the stock. I put all that into my crock pot and cover it with water. {Amounts of each are as desired, and should be proportional to the amount of water you're adding- I usually have a half cup of onion and mushroom each, and a cup each of celery and carrot.} I add whatever spices strike my fancy, usually sage, rosemary, thyme, white pepper, savory and salt - just a pinch of each here and there. Cook on low allllll day. At the end of the day, carefully fish out the chicken and place it on a plate to cool, so I can separate out the unwanted skin and bones. The meat will be falling off the bones by this point. Then I strain out the veggies and stray bones from the broth and put the bowl of broth into the fridge, covered, over night just like Gram. I take my abundance of meat and cube it, reserving half for the soup and the other half for another recipe (like chicken pot pie, chicken salad...) adding the meat for the soup to the refrigerated broth. The next morning, I scrape off the fat and discard it. As I return the broth & chicken to the crock, I pour it in slowly, so that any sludgey bits or tiny bones that may have snuck through the collander and have now settled on the bottom of my bowl won't get dumped into the crock. I toss any of that as well. Resume heating on low. I sauté my onion, celery and mushrooms in a stock pan on the stove with a small amount of olive oil and salt and spices. This helps them to release more flavor. Cook until onions are translucent and then add to the crock. I cook my rice separately as well, so that it doesn't absorb all my good broth. I do not use bouillon. :P I have learned to add fresh garlic to the stock process and not to the soup, for a milder garlic flavor. If you have a ham hock to add at the beginning, you won't need to add any salt at all and the flavor of your broth will be AMAZING.

This soup heals me.

and with the leftover chicken, this time, I made a pot pie - a happy one at that! :D

feeling pretty proud of my culinary accomplishments - cheap too! (actually, I made enough filling for two pot pies from my extra meat and froze the extra for another day.)

Pictures!

2012-01-04T15:14:00.001-05:00

They were all drawing me flowers :)

Calista came over today, and I achieved my goal
of getting outside for at least 20 minutes (try 2 hours!)

Calista, such a beauty!

Eating (licking?) snow

Eva, I love her more every day.
How is that possible?

I pulled them all over in the sled. Nice work-out for me!

Snow angels, of course.

Our snow people. You would not believe how against
an upside-down snow man these girls were! Sheesh!
They did get over it though, when I found him mittens and socks.
The right-side-up snow person has hair and a purple scarf, so, we think it's a girl.
Hard to tell, though.

Why Didn't I Take More Pictures?

2012-01-03T21:02:00.001-05:00

Zaya, 21 months

Migo, an old man.

Our very first "Sisters Night" for the VanderRoest girls :D Robbie burst in [noooo!!!!]
and took a fuzzy picture of me to commemorate the event.

We made SUPER sugary Christmas cookies. Eva discretely licks the sugar off her hand.

Guilty smile. Little did she know that was perfectly acceptable Christmas behavior.

Putting on all their garb to play in the 40˙ mud.

Yep. That's all I have for the whole month of December. Epic fail.

Streamlining my Life

2011-12-28T21:43:00.001-05:00

Haha....

no... actually I'm not joking. I have swirling, trollopping thoughtsies in my head, like, constantly - allllll about how I could be more efficient.

I am in love with the idea of efficiency. Like, head over heals.

I have laundry ideas.

My current plan is epically bad. I have two laundry baskets in my closet that are a dump all for all things dirty. When both are stacked to overflowing, I dump them out on the living room floor and go through each article looking for stains to hit with my trusty Shout. I then do a laundry day marathon of about 8 loads (my baskets are big! and when I say overflowing, I mean... yeah). The loads are *supposed* to be folded as they come out of the dryer, but that usually only happens to about half of them. The other half become super wrinkly, and do eventually get put away....

Here's my idea:
I want bins that I keep in the laundry room (like, stackable laundry baskets) for each kind of load I do: whites, colors, darks, sheets & towels. My plan is that at the end of the day, as I come down the stairs with the girls dirty clothes, I'd take them all the way downstairs and immediately hit any stained spots with a spray&wash thing. When a bin is full, in the wash it goes. Along with that, I'll make a reminder for the kitchen, saying there's a load in the wash - so I don't forget and leave it there for days to get stanky. I can handle doing one load every few days-ish. It's the overwhelming pile I hate.

Speaking of overwhelming piles: my dishes.
I don't have a dishwasher. I do have two young daughters who LOVE to splash the suds around, but that just gets my rug wet. I *try,* in a meh-not really kind of way to do the dishes after each meal. Yeah. Usually, every night after the kids are in bed, I go downstairs to fend off the mess monster and prune up my dried out hands. I think I am going to stop *trying* to do the dishes after each meal, and just *do* them. Kinda sounds like a lame-o plan, but, man, what else can you think of?

OK, and my final idea to share for the day: recess. Yep. I want a scheduled time each day, maybe two, where the girls and I have recess. We go outside if it is at all possible for at least 20 minutes... we have adventures ... outside. I don't mean just getting out of the house to go somewhere, I mean really playing outside. Maybe I'll even lose this holiday weight! Ha! We definitely don't get outside enough.

*****

I have some old pics I hope to post tomorrow of Zaya, but they're from earlier this month. She's a new woman now, cut two of her four canines on Christmas day, and speaking in sentences! Real sentences! That I can *almost* understand!! Yeah. She's really growing up.

Also, yes, we had a fabulous Christmas. It was a wonderful day spent enjoying our little family and the lack of snow. We each got some fun gifts, but the best part was just having a day with no plans, no places we had to go... we changed back into PJs after church and just enjoyed each other. We didn't even fight :D haha I hope you had a wonderful Christmas too!

This is why it's a good idea to wait...

2011-12-05T20:53:00.001-05:00

First, you should know today hasn't gone well for me. I have been randomly struck by cat allergies after second hand exposure yesterday and the effects have had me sneezing ALL day. My nose is raw and ready to fall off. Also, I attempted to reconcile a broken relationship with someone who once was a close friend, but suddenly cut all ties with me 8 years ago. I think of her often, and for some reason thought today might be a good day to tell her I miss her friendship. ((I have absolutely no idea why she stopped speaking to me in the first place. A few years ago we ran into each other at a mutual friend's wedding and talked the whole time like the old friends we are... but come to find out, she was just being friendly because she didn't want to make a scene at the wedding... when I tried to contact her afterwards, she resumed shunning me.)) I sent her a friend request on FB today, along with the simple message, "I sure do miss our friendship." She responded by reporting me to FB, and I got a hand slap and a warning that if that ever happened again my account would be suspended. ((apparently, if you friend request someone you don't know on FB, that's a big no-no.)) Also, extra whiny kids allllllll day, and lots of mishaps during dinner, so that I didn't get to sit down and eat two bites in a row, let alone warm ones. Geesh. I'm actually looking forward to washing dishes and folding laundry and going to bed. But, I kinda wish there was some Rum in the cupboard above the fridge. Glad there isn't.

and then I heard this song. I cried when I heard it. Maybe the exhaustion of everything today put my emotions at the surface, or maybe they're always there...

... and not to say that I am not completely content with my relationship with The Huz... it's just that he was not my first love, you know? The feelings crooned about in this song are the ones you experience the first time you love. When you have your whole heart to give to someone...

Guard your heart, ladies. Don't play with our hearts, guys. It is possible to have this kind of fire for a lifetime, if you do it right.

this song is better if you change the words, "She's the one" to "He's the one," and "a girl" to "the LORD" :D

NACHO regular bad-hair day

2011-11-18T13:19:00.001-05:00

First of all, nachos are quite possibly my favorite food. When I was pregnant with Zaya, I dreamt that I moved in to the Old Country Buffet so that I could never stop eating their nachos. Ew, I know. There's something wonderful about that liquid cheese, poured all over chips and taco meat - oh man. But then, that same cheese drizzled over Arby's roast beef sandwiches makes me throw up in my mouth. I can't even stand the commercials! Now there's a little Jes-tidbit for you!

The other day, I was trying to come up with 187 ways to serve leftover tacos, and I realized NACHOS was the best idea ever... but I didn't have any velveeta, or cheez wiz or anything like that. Here's what I did:

In a small sauce pan, pour in just enough milk to cover the bottom (I used whole, because we always have way too much of that, thanks to WIC)
Heat on medium/low.
When it's warmish, add 3 slices of american cheese (we always have these on hand for last minute lunch packing for the huz)
and whatever other cheese you have, shredded, about a half cup.
Stir and melt together until smooth. Season with a double dash of garlic salt and a sprinkling of paprika.

Arrange chips on a plate, heat leftover taco meat in the microwave (I always use ground turkey for tacos, cheaper & healthier), spoon the meat onto the chips, pour on cheese (This recipe makes enough to serve two adult me's. I topped with fresh diced tomato, black olive slices, lettuce and tiny dollups of sour cream. YUM!!!

You can also do a bacon cheeseburger version, by layering bacon, taco meat, cheese, and pickles with tiny ketchup and mustard dollups. YUM!!!

*****

Second of all WHY can't I make a good sock bun!!??? The tutorial I found is GREAT, and my first two tries were fabulous. The lady in the video encourages the viewer to keep trying because it just gets easier, but no. Not for me. Psssh! I just keep getting worse!
Now, the JUST sock bun thing isn't tooooo bad - but my buns don't come out nice and polished anymore. Maybe I need a new sock and the one I used at first is just too stretched out? Maybe. Maybe I'm using too big of a sock for my thin hair?
Then, there's the sock bun curls OH do they look fabulous when other people do them. I've tried day old dirty hair, clean slightly damp hair, clean and blown dry with a little gel hair... I end up with parts that are GORGEOUS and other parts (most parts) that are kinky and frizzy and UGLY!!!

But, I am not giving up.

If you haven't tried it, it is kind of fun. Here's the best tutorial for the sock bun:

and then for sock bun curls:

I tried taking pics of my attempt at sock bun curls today, but I can't seem to get my camera to focus well. Sorry the pic is so blurry.

As you can see, it's not as terrible as it would be if I didn't try at all, and sleeping with a sock bun in is actually quite comfortable. Plus, I took the bun down 5 hours ago and didn't put any hair spray or spray gel or anything in to hold the "curl" (friz). It does look a little better now that it's calmed down. I've learned that you want to tie your pony very loosely so that you don't get that hair-tie kink, and not to use a sock that leaves fuzzies in your hair. Go for a trouser sock with a hole in the toe or something like that OVER a regular cotton sock, to avoid fuzzies - as in, roll up your white cotton tube sock, or whatever wrong color sock you have (DON'T use a white sock for a sock bun unless you have white hair!) and then, after you have that donut, roll your other donut as a second layer over the first :D It does give nice volume to my otherwise flat thin hair that seems to last longer than anything else I've tried.

Now, my regular sock bun on the other hand? yikes. It's all lumpy and misshapen. Needs work. I like it low, cuz I'm no J.Lo ;D It does seem to work, though, as in my hair covers the sock almost every time... I think it's the twisting the hair over itself that gives that illusion - so even if you have limp thin hair like me, you can have a nice thick bun.

Now, if only my braids and ponytails could have more thickness. Maybe I should take a vitamin for that!

Blessed be the name of the LORD!

2011-11-16T01:14:00.001-05:00

So, if you know me, or just read this blog, you know that recently things have been really tight financially for our family. Well. I did have some wonderful blessings that I blogged about here... but since then, well... let me tell you about the latest developments:
After that Jehovah Jireh post linked above, we had about $100 to our name that didn't have to go to any immediate bills. I started to feel a little better. We could buy food and gas. I was ready to feel the trust I wanted to feel. I was ready to say OK, God, You've been in control all along, but now, I can say I trust You with the controls. No matter what happens, I trust You. (Turns out, maybe don't say that no matter what happens part to God.) Robbie had a bachelor party to go to... it went late at a friend's apartment. He called me around 2am to tell me his vehicle had been towed. (Yep, MacDonalds :P ) $150 that we didn't have. Some WONDERFULLY generous friend's covered us, and helped Robbie get his car back that night. I wanted to be angry and say to God, "How could You let this happen!??" but, fortunately, I know better. He has a purpose in all things - even this. 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.' ~Jeremiah 29:11 I trust those words as much as I have ever trusted anything. There was no reason to be mad, at God, at Robbie... anyone. There was reason to trust.
So, my grandpa just gave us his old swingset - so we sold our old one for $100. Hey, now we can start paying back our wonderfully generous friends! And, tomorrow's pay day again. We can make it.

and then today, I had the kind of day where God put something small on my heart to do, and I did it. I was feeling very in-tune with Him. Immediately upon completion, the next thing I did was check the mail. Uh oh.

A letter from our mortgage company?

Dear Robert F V-----, we regret to inform you of an error in our system at the time we processed your loan... blah blah blah, heart in throat, skip to second page WHAT!!! ... a check for over one thousand dollars?? Flip back to the first page... Is this legit?? Call the number on the letter. Talk to Natalie. Yes, this is a for real Bank Error in Your Favor, please collect $1000+ dollars. Can I pass Go too??

I fell on the floor.

I cried.

I called Robbie at work.

I got his voicemail.

I left a crying crazy sounding message.

He called right back.

I stringed him along, trying to make him think it was bad news ... and then WHAM! I dropped it on him.

He said, great, that will cover a tow.

I said, yeah, we can totally pay them back NOW!! YES!!!

He said no, I mean a tow now. My car just died.

: /

...

return to face down position on floor. Laugh. Pray. Trust.

So, yeah. Crazy day for us! His car is still not running, even he installed a new fuel pump. We're hoping to get this figured out soon. Thank goodness my huz is so handy (and Uncle Steve is amazing too).

Also, gasoline on your skin is NOT good. And, very stinky. Don't use toothpaste to try and rid yourself of the gasoline smell. You will just smell like minty gasoline, and that is MUCH worse.

Prideful Much??

2011-11-09T11:50:00.005-05:00

I am SO excited with how Eva's robe turned out, I just had to show it off! ;D
She's been asking for a robe for a while now, and since we're broke, I decided to make it myself. I think it's way better than anything we could have bought at a store! Hopefully this hubris will not be my downfall. Maybe it will lead me to the income that's been eluding me ;D

twirling

Someday...

2011-11-08T18:35:00.000-05:00

"Hey Mama, someday, when I am old like you, I'm gonna have a boy. I'm gonna be very brave when I have him. And then, I'm gonna name him Goona Threesa Dooder. But, I'll just call him Goon. Goona Dooder."
~Eva

picture taken moments before quote above

Time Capsule

2011-11-05T21:48:00.001-04:00

I hope 50 years from now, my kids and grandkids (God willing!) will be able to read this blog - not just this post in particular, but the blog in its entirety. I want them to be able to know who I am now, the way I thought about things. I want them to know who their Daddy is, and details about their own childhood that otherwise seem to get lost in the endless file system of Memories. I look back and wonder what my parents were like when I was little... what were my grandparents like... I hope the future VRoosters can look back on this and say, "ooooooh! that's where I got that..." and smile.

These days we are helping Zaya try to stop sucking her thumb. It's going ok, so far. She's great about it during the day and is actually trying, from what I can tell, to practice self control. For her 19 months, she is quite mature in her understanding. It is naps and nights that are a problem. She did OK with socks taped onto her hands the first night, but after 2 nights with little sleep and lots of crying, I gave in and removed the socks. Normally, I am quite definitive about discipline, but Robbie and I both feel it is imperative to be affirming and reinforce the positive at this point - as opposed to punishing her for sucking her thumb, something that she has always used to self-soothe, and has always been OK. So, progress is slow there. Zaya loves to sing and makes up nonsense songs alllllllll the time, and she's already good at staying in key. She jabbers and says lots of words I don't understand, but I am sure she will suddenly start speaking English one day ;D She LOVES tomatoes - I have yet to find her limit - she will eat them until they are gone and ask for more. It doesn't matter if they are big or little; beefsteak, roma or grape; with ranch or plain; cold or room temp; she will eat them ALL. She's also a big fan of multigrain cheerios and tortilla chips. She's showing all the signs of being ready to potty train, but I am holding off, waiting for her to cut her last four teeth (canines) since that has proven to be a major gastrointestinal ordeal in the past, if you know what I mean. If she hasn't cut them (or started to) in two months, I will rethink my position!) She can count to ten, but you can hardly understand her. Zaya just learned how to jump with both feet off the ground at the same time. She's not content to sit around, reading books. She wants to be active all the time. I notice in her the spiritual gift of Joy :D She has a sense of humor that reminds me very much of my younger brother Evan at this age. She can always make me laugh out loud, and is quick to get over anything that might be sad.

Today Eva spent over two hours coloring (with colored pencils, in a coloring book). She cares less now about staying in the lines than she used to - she can, but lately she prefers to color fast, all one direction, in blocks of color. I like that she's experimenting. Eva has her berserk times of crazy wild scrabbley take-downs, like any kid of 3.5yrs, but for the most part is laid back. She is content to color, play in a sand box, play with small figures, or look at books (and has been since she acquired the ability to sit). Eva loves to make up songs about how "everybody loves everybody." Her songs are sappy and terribly out of key, so of course, I think they are fabulous ;D She can count to thirty reliably, further when she really tries. She knows her alphabet and each letter's sound; she's learning to spell a few 3 letter words. She can write her first name and is working on the rest. She talks a lot about who she's going to marry someday, so I am ALREADY praying against boy-craziness (pllllleeeeeeeeease God!) I am noticing the way that our culture trains girls to be boy crazy, even at her age. I am noticing the little things that I say that could be swaying her thoughts in that direction, so young. I am working to build up in her (and Zay) a sense of peace and contentment with the season of life they are in NOW, and not be trained up to always focus on what's next. I have a caution in my spirit about her tendency to be sedentary - she prefers to play calmly and quietly, which is easy to appreciate :D don't get me wrong, BUT, I want her to be more active. She would sit in front of the TV all day, if allowed, and I intend to allow less and less TV time. I am very aware of a spiritual gift of Compassion in Eva - her tenderness and emotional understanding seem to surpass her years. Also, she shows this in her prayers - before we eat she'll almost always ask to pray and she will cover the ENTIRE family (extended - I mean everyone) praying for them "to be healfy." She also prays every single night that her dear friend Calista will be potty trained so the can go to preschool (at church) together.

Robbie and I are leading our first life group - a small group from our church that gets together to form deeper relationships with each other and spur each other on in Christ. We decided to focus our conversations on marriage and outreach. We are reading the book, "For Me and My House" by Tom Harmon together- a quick but powerful read. Our first service project is scheduled for Nov 13th - we're buying, preparing & serving a meal to local college students - called Feed the Future. I am really excited to get to know the families that God brought into our small group! We've only had two meeting so far, but I'm already loving them :D Robbie and I have also decided to home-school Eva for her first year of school - and make the decision to continue home-schooling anew each year for each child. That was a tough decision for me. I had a wonderful public school experience, and Robbie feels... well... robbed... by his home-school experience. Hopefully our opposing pasts will help us (me) to really give Eva an awesome home-school adventure. I am grateful for some very excellent examples to follow, and some very negative ones to learn from. We also day dream about a lot of fix-it/ remodel-it/ improve-it projects around the house and yard... not to mention dreams of improving our fitness... but that's usually followed by us raiding the girls candy stash from Halloween. Ratted myself out in the time capsule! ha!

Robbie, on his own, is hoping to find a new job, but not really looking or working toward it - he's just really discontent. I pray that he finds contentment in God and finds a job that is not quite so physically straining. He serves his butt off for the teens at Agapé, our home church. When he's not working or serving the teens he can be found throwing small VanderRoest daughters in the air; passed out on the floor from exhaustion with small VanderRoest daughters on his back; or watching a movie/playing video games. You can't imagine how little time he actually spends playing video games... they're low on the list of priorities, but still, a favorite thing. He worked SO hard to reorganize our basement and finally got it DONE. (When we first moved in to this house, we didn't know the basement leaked, put our rec room in the basment, along with a nice orange 3" shag carpet... then we got a TON of rain, a moldy basement, a bunch of stuff shoved out of the way to move out the nasty moldy shag carpet, new glass block windows, old septic hole sealed, coal chute converted to a window... but by that time, the process of drying & cleaning and moving everything out of the way had made such an unfathomable mess!!!! yeah. It's all clean now. He even bought the paint to repaint the floor!) Robbie is capable of anything, I'm pretty sure. He's a mentor, he's the guy you call when you need ANYthing. That's my man.

I, on my own, am devouring my Bible backwards. I started in Revelation, read that through, then turned to Jude, then 3 John... I am now in Psalms - 103 to be exact :D For the first time, I am appreciating Psalms. I always found them whiny before - and found myself disgusted with some of the things the writers were saying to God - Now, more mature in my faith, I find it a lot more understandable, and am encouraged to find it in the Bible - that God knows us so intimately. :D I edify myself further with Bible studies on the radio by Chuck Swindoll, David Jeremiah and James MacDonald. Another favorite radio program is Focus on the Family - which encourages me daily as a wife and mother... and woman of God. I am so excited by what I read and hear - its sad really how little of it I allow to spur me into action. I am very tired of my self-indulgence on Facebook in particular, and am trying to practice more self control in that area. I am trying to balance the ideal of Super Mom with the Proverbs 31 woman and with what God made me to be. I don't want more on my plate than what He has for me. I've taken over a year off from the worship team now :o( I love singing on the worship team - such a fun and ever-changing bunch of friends to make great music with. *sigh* But, I wasn't focused on God in my heart of hearts. I was prideful about my self-perceived skillz. I am still trying to figure out how to focus on singing clearly and well to help lead others into worship, actually worshipping myself and allowing myself that vulnerability in front of the congregation and balancing that with healthy gratitude for my own skills and those of my fellow musicians. I think constantly about wanting to have more kids, and am very much interested in fostering or adopting one day when our kids are a bit older. Other than that, my mind swirls constantly with creative projects I'll someday tackle and a DEEP desire to somehow bring income into our tight budget by utilizing some of the talents God gave me.

That's us, these days, in a nutshell.

Hello November!

2011-11-02T21:17:00.003-04:00

What a gorgeous day! It was like 60˙ outside today!

So, I forgot my camera, literally moments after saying to myself, "Don't forget the camera," and took zero pictures of my Eva Super Girl and my Zaya Princess this Halloween. For crying out loud. And then, on the day after, I got to see my dear friends David and Lauren and their brand new baby, Titus... and forgot it again!! Again, directly after saying to myself, "Don't forget the camera." I'm thinking, maybe I should purpose to forget it?

So, I guiltily took a few shots of the girls today to attempt to make up for my Defective Momming. Moments later, the battery died anyway :P

First up, we have: Pider Hat.
Zaya came waltzing into the kitchen wearing this charming head accessory (a pull-up), saying, "Pie-der Hat! Pie-der Hat!" ((Pie-der = Diaper, she switches the consonant sounds around))

It was ALL Eva could do to patiently wait her turn to model the Pie-der Hat :D

And then, we played in the leaves :D perfect day for it!

Leaf Angels

Searching for slugs with her face?

Zaya helped by raking the sidewalk...

the WHOLE sidewalk.

leaves in her hair cracking her up

try number 4 badrillion and two to get a pic of Zaya in focus , you see, she doesn't hold still well!

My Little Comedians

2011-10-29T14:03:00.001-04:00

Twice today I have laughed so hard that it brought me to my knees. My girls!! :D

Early this morning, before we'd even come downstairs, Eva was building a block city. These can be very elaborate and she had asked Zaya not to knock it down. So, of course, Zaya immediately knocked it down. Eva cried for 2 seconds before deciding it would be more fun to build one for Zaya to knock down. So she did, and Zaya did. After Zaya knocked it down, Eva said to her in the butteriest tone, "Good job, Zaya! Fist bump!" and held out her fist for Zaya to pound.

*shakes head*

Then, there was the portal incident:

In our living room, as you can see, we have a "portal". Today, the girls decided to peak at each other through it for the first time :D Zaya said, "Peek peek!" and Eva replied, "I'd like a cheeseburger." Zaya, without missing a beat, passed her the invisible delicacy, and Eva took it and scarfed it down. Then there was a loud "MINE" from my gentle Zay, follwed by alligator tears. Eva forgot to share. I laughed SO HARD!

Jehovah Jireh!

2011-10-28T15:03:00.001-04:00

Malachi 3:10
Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!

OK, so I am trying not to feel guilty for posting my previous post requesting prayer for our finances... But wow. So far, a miracle has happened, along with an outpouring of encouragement and blessings from dear friends. I woke up Thursday morning with no tooth pain at all. Mind you, Wednesday night (the day everything seemed to happen at once) I had Robbie look at the tooth to confirm that the tooth had in fact cracked and a portion of my filling really did come out. Still no tooth pain today. I haven't put orajel on it, or anything. The Lord just took away that discomfort for His glory and blessed me. Today I got a call from church, saying that someone dropped off some money for us. Anonymous friend, we are going to pick it up tonight when we go in for the Fall Fest. We are touched by your help and promise to pay it forward. Another friend stopped by today with a few Meijer gift cards, with more than enough money to get us through until the next pay day. I was rationing toilet paper this morning... now I am in awed worship of Jehovah Jireh. Thank you friend. Thank you. I am tempted to feel guilty for posting our struggles, as if to solicit help... but I know that God did this. I didn't purpose to post a link to that post on Facebook or whine and complain... I purposed to journal my faith struggle and ask for prayer. So I will not feel guilty. I will glorify the God of Everything who favored us all along.

Thank you, dear friends, for your prayers, for your encouragement, for your friendship.

Please Pray

2011-10-26T13:14:00.002-04:00

I am feeling all of the sudden very overwhelmed and having a hard time trusting the Lord of Everything. I know He is in control, I know Robbie and I have been faithful, and I know He will see us through - yet, I could really use the encouragement of your prayers for our finances.

Robbie and I were always blessed to have no debt, other than our mortgage. We are blessed that I can be a stay at home mom, even though he makes very little. We choose to survive with few material luxuries (no new clothes, no cable, two date nights out per year, etc...) so that we can prioritize pouring into our children the values we hold dear.

Yet all our sacrifices sometimes just aren't enough, and this is one of those times. I mistakenly sent out our mortgage payment a week early (I write out all the checks at once and doll them out at the right time, usually). This caused our bank accounts to EMPTY. I had to go to the bank today to transfer money from Eva's account into ours, just so the account could stay open. Things aren't usually so tight for us, but we've been very generous lately with a few things and I lost track of the specifics :/ and our savings got low... and now, it's gone. For me that feels like glass in my stomach, an ache in my heart, a nagging worrisome voice in my ear.

Robbie won't get paid until next Wednesday, 6 days from now. Our cupboards aren't bare, our gas tanks are half full... but it's gonna be a real stretch to make this work.

Oh, and then, just now at lunch, a filling broke out of a molar in my mouth (quite possibly 15 years old) and my mouth is throbbing.

I know God is testing me. I want to feel the trust that is inside me.

Also, I could really use advice on how you manage your finances, if you're good at it. We, apparently, need a better system.

10 Things You May Not Know About Me

2011-10-07T20:56:00.001-04:00

I found this idea on a friend's blog, and since I have been out of ideas for posts lately, I thought I'd just copy her :) (she copied it from someone else too!).

1. When it's time to buy a new stick of deodorant, I have to smell the different kinds first. This takes quite a while, since each has a plastic doodad on it that can be very difficult to remove. I smell about 10, gagging and snarking, before I return to the same brand I always buy: Degree.

2. It drives me crazy when a person driving starts yelling at other drivers. Road rage is really really lame. Seriously, they can't hear you. You sound like a dweeb. (Not talking about my huz!)

3. I hate it when my husband is right and I'm wrong. It happens a lot. I got a canker sore on my lip a month ago, and he told me to put mustard on it. I balked and insisted that it would be fine and go away on it's own. A week later, it was hurting so bad, I secretly put some mustard on it. It was better within 3 days and stopped hurting immediately (wellll... the mustard hurt a lot at first, but only for a minute.) Now, I think mustard heals everything. Except poison ivy. Mustard definitely does nothing for poison ivy.

4. If I could have ANY job in the entire world, it would be the job I have. I love being a stay at home mom. I want to be better at it - be the kind of mom that plans lots of amazing educational activities and outings while simultaneously doing laundry, making a delicious/nutritious dinner and teaching my children praise songs... There's always room for improvement! ...If I could get paid for anything, I would be a song writer. :)

5. I like to clean my ears out with Qtips. I not only love the way it feels, I love the way it sounds.

6. Castle is my favorite TV show. We own seasons 1-3. Now I have to wait A YEAR for season 4 to come out... BAH!!! (we don't have cable by choice and our computer is much to slow for Hulu).

7. Even though I hate being pregnant, I would love to have more kids. No, I am not pregnant now. I wish I liked being pregnant, but I'm too much of a whiner. It's very painful; I tend to be sick for at least half of it; the exhaustion is overwhelming; gaining and losing 50+ pounds in a year is really hard on a body.... and on the other hand ... it's such a miracle, growing a child in your body - the product of the covenant love I share with my husband and the miracle of life from God. Robbie and I want to have 4 total!

8. I like school. I miss taking tests and sucking up to teachers and getting A's on everything.

9. I am very particular about keeping a clean fridge and microwave. If anything spills in either, I clean it right away.

10. I wish I'd never stopped playing the cello. I gave it up in middle school after 3 years because our teacher got pregnant and scared me with her pregnancy hormones. Yikes. I was really good back then, always 1st or 2nd chair (out of 8 or so).

No More Lellow

2011-09-30T11:09:00.000-04:00

Zaya now tells me every time she needs to go. "Ooo poo, mama, ooo poo." Or, "peeeeeeeeee," with vehement pointing. I really need to wrap my head around potty training her soon. Why are my kids ready to potty train before I'm ready to potty train them? Not complaining, just weird.

Eva now says, "yellow" ... the days of "lellow" seem to have disappeared.

Zaya has the gift of showing love. She comes to me, daddy, anyone who's given her a minute to warm up, with snuggles and kisses. She loves to sit on a lap and look at a picture book, especially if it's about cats, dogs or babies. She is slowly but surely learning to say new words every day. She understands everything I say and is a good listener, she is just very tentative about trying to say a word, since it seems to come out jumbled up for the first few times. She is 18 months old now. My baby.

Eva is a gifted artist, and will spend an entire day coloring with colored pencils or painting with water color. She is filled with compassion and loves to use this gift to bless others by making cards for anyone she loves. She also inspires Zaya to color and paint, and I think Zay would otherwise not really care for it. She loves to "read" as well, especially the Richard Scarry books. She's three and a half next month. My big girl.

Zaya is already singing in key, and is close to the right word-sounds for songs like Old MacDonald and Twinkle Twinkle. Eva sings all the words but makes up her own very creative melodies ;D For all the praise songs I sing all day, any day, my children both refuse to sing along with me and seem stubborn when it comes to learning those words. This doesn't bother me, because they ask me to sing, and then they will dance. :D It's pretty cute. And weird :D

Eva loves to eat watermelon, jelly beans, fruit snacks and cereal. Zaya loves to eat. Zaya will eat all of the veggies on her plate first, and beg for more. Eva will eat all the pasta, and then ask to color. Zaya loves beans. Eva loves rice. Zaya loves chocolate. Eva loves vanilla. They both love Dora. : /

Words Zaya says: thank you (tink-ooh), please, here-ya-go, ball, dog (duck), duck, meow, car, Eva (Ee-ah), more, milk (muck), juice (jew), mama, daddy, ow, ooo poo, peeeeeeee, bath (baff), green (geeeeeeeeeeen), eat, cow, moo, up above the world [so high...] (uppa babba wor), no, mine... And then there are the 10,000 things she says as "gwee" ...

I think sometimes about what the dynamic will be like for Zaya if, in a few years, God blesses us with more children... she'll be a middle child. I think she has just the right disposition for it.

I love being a mom.

Chocolate and More Sleep

2011-09-16T21:35:00.000-04:00

Today has been great! I am so exhausted, I wish I could just turn on the TV and *poof* be watching Castle... Season 3 is coming out on DVD soon! (I ordered it back in July...) ((No tv here, so I have to wait for the dvd release - please! no more spoilers! I already know Kate gets shot...)

We had pancakes and scrambled eggs for breakfast... that's pretty amazing, since I usually just give them cereal. That clinched it, I was bit by the cookin' bug today. Maaaaybe it had something to do with the terrible smell of OO nonstick spray burning cuz my pancake pan was too hot, and I had to fill the house with other smells?? Then I got a random phone call - I totally forgot that I told a friend I'd watch 2 of her kids at 8:15 this morning!! Glad she didn't show up until 8:30am!! Haha :D Her kids were so cute and well behaved! What a joy! Only had them for a few hours, and then it was lunch and nap time. Poor Zaya had a diarrhea dipe that woke her up from her nap WAY early. A few more of those as the day progressed. I think I fed her too much orange. She loves oranges. Yikes. Eva was so sweet and such a wonderful helper to me and Zaya today, it really made my day. I also made an apple blueberry crisp, a giant pan of stuffed shells (totally forgot to add the ground turkey I browned!! I squeezed access liquid from chopped & thawed spinach, I shredded carrot, added that to ricotta, cottage cheese and 1 egg, filled the shells, and forgot to mix the meat and marinara - sooo it was vegetarian, but DELISH.) AND I made some chocolate pudding from scratch to satisfy that chocolate craving I always have. (and almost always satisfy - sheesh. I soooo let my flesh desires control me! ... wellll, all my flesh really wants is chocolate and more sleep...) I was able to bless another friend by sharing the crazy bounty I had made today - the whole time I was cooking, I was thinking, What am I doing?? Why am I making so much food? We're gonna be gone almost all weekend... but I just kept cooking. And making giant messes in the kitchen. And cleaning them. And then, standing in the clean kitchen, I'd decide to make something else. It's clean right now, and I'm about to go down there and make home-made finger paint for the girls. What's wrong with me????

I've been feeling so weird lately, I actually took a pregnancy test! (Don't worry, it was negative) I have this lingering, vague sense of nausea, and a reallllly bad attitude with my poor sweet huz. He's been so caring with me, and I just have been a pain! Grrrr! I hate it when I'm like that, but ... I am, still. And then there's all this cooking and cleaning and crafting and organizing. Maybe I'm nesting for my pregnant friends?

Well, sorry, no new pics today. Done rambling. Off to re-messify my kitchen! Yay!

It's the quiet times

2011-09-15T13:42:00.000-04:00

Oh thank You, Lord, for the quiet times in my day. I love them so! Help me to not fritter them away on Facebook looking at ____'s pictures and reading 100 status updates and trying to be witty and...

Right now, Zaya is napping (and Praise the LORD! It looks like she's finally switched over to an afternoon nap!) and Eva is coloring.

Now is Mama's quiet time. I've read my Bible for today, Psalm 72, and am attempting to reflect on what I read... the psalm as a whole leaves me thinking about how redemptive God is. Solomon wrote this prayer for himself and his sons, and though the prayers weren't maybe answered like he'd hoped, God had a much bigger picture in mind and answered them through Jesus Christ. God redeemed that prayer. God has also redeemed me a few times today, already. Long story. Ask me in person for that one!

I'll work on my Bible study (Lies Women Believe) later tonight after the kiddos go to bed. Besides a brief time of leisure on the computer, this bit of my day is about to be consumed with dishes and bathroom scrubbing. Maybe even some hard-core sideboard dusting with the vacuum later - but that will be after nap time, and Zaya will likely take over. What a helper! Other than that, it's a calm day at our house, much needed, as I am on the mend from some weird belly bug. No details, don't worry. Finally on the up and up and ready for a relaxing day.

I love how the sun pours into our cool house on this crisp morning... I love how the dog roams the house searching for the cushiest spot. I had to open blinds in Zaya's room this morning that I never open to let the sun in and let him sleep in the sunbeam on the guest bed. ((The sun pours in that particular window so ferociously that I keep the blinds closed to avoid fading the comforter.)) Migo never gets to sleep on a bed, other than his own little box with a dog-bed I made for him, or his kennel. It's that kind of day.

And now, to make up for all the rambling, I present to you:

Zaya in a Pile of Pillows and Blankets ala Eva

And:

A Story, by Eva

"Stuck"

2011-09-14T21:03:00.001-04:00

Do you think we have enough toys?? Um... yeah.

Creating My Own Drama... but why?

2011-08-29T20:41:00.001-04:00

I've been grouchy lately.

Not really to others, but deep in my heart and in my head.

I keep trying to talk to someone about this, but it just doesn't seem to go anywhere... And I talk to God about it too - pour my heart out to Him, he already knows my inmost thoughts anyway, but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. I feel like I'm in a pit (that I dug)... it's not even that deep... and I call for help, people come and extend a hand to me and I stand there with my arms folded, not reaching back. So they give up and then I ask God and He comes, extending His hand to me and I maaaaaybe reach for it for a sec before I cross my arms again...

So, maybe if I write it out, that will help me to see what it is I'm saying...

I weaned Zaya (at 16.5 months) by the end of July. That means that 1500 calories just disappeared out of my diet that I had become VERY used to ... my appetite matches my new dietary needs, which is great, but the habit of taking huge portions and eating lots of chocolate die HARD. (with a vengeance?)

My mood is actually associated with covetousness, envy, bad body image and a fear of reverting back to bad, old habits. You may already know I struggled with anorexia in '98-'99 and bulimia for many years before and after that. Now that I am no longer nursing, I would like to approach fitness with new zeal, especially now that the diastasis recti is much improved (only one finger wide!)... but I am fearful that I will take it too far, because I know where my head is, I hear that same evil voice. Comparing, Coveting, Lies - I know that I don't see myself rightly. I don't own a scale because I know I would stand on it 15 times a day and that doesn't help! I measured myself today with a string and a tape measure and discovered that my measurements are NOT that different than they were before I conceived EVA! My hips are the same, my waist is 1 inch bigger and my bust is the same. That's without sucking it in, too :P (measuring natural waist, not the bulgy part). AND I know the bulgy part is my over-stretched ligaments unable to hold in my organs, and my weak abs, hernia and all, and the extra flap of skin I have from all that over-stretching. Where am I going with this? Do you see what I'm saying? I want to tone up my tummy, but I am scared to start. It's like a reformed alcoholic promising to just take one drink per night... dangerous.

And then I start to feel like all this fear is just me allowing drama!! I mean, c'mon Self!! Get over yourSelf!! You are obviously aware enough of this to be cautious. Create a plan, share it with the Huz and a friend for accountability and go ahead. Maybe I'm just scared that I'm stuck with this tummy forever, and if I never try to exercise it away, I can blame that instead of God? God... why do I get SO big and have such big babies? I am a small girl... I want to have more babies, if it's Your will ...and I don't want to exercise and tone up and work my butt off (work my belly off?) only to have it get even more stretched out next time.

Bah.

It's just this whirlwind of negativity, which is SO not me.

I feel forlorn, stuck, helpless, hopeless, overly dramatic, pitiful, weak, ugly, fat...

I know the truth.... I know it sets me free... but the lies know how to get me to listen, to linger on them...

Bah.

*******************************************************

***WARNING***

****I am about to show you pictures of my belly****

****You may not want to see this!****

*******************************************************

The day Zaya was born, I had gained 65lbs

taken May 1st, just over a month after Zaya was born
I took these pics so that I'd be able to look back and see
how much my stomach changed over time....

taken May 24th, 2010

taken July 5, 2010

taken today, along with the rest.

This one and the previous,
I am laying down, for continuity

Admittedly, there is a little improvement, but it's been almost 18months since Zaya was born...

and holding in as much of the blorp as I can

not even trying

Why did I post those? I suppose, to show you that it's not all in my head - my belly horrifies me with good reason, it's frightening! Good birth control for young ladies, eh? Just show 'em my pics! :P

Seriously. What can I do? I can't shrink skin or re-elasticize ligaments... I had great ab muscles before the separation (diastasis recti), but now really struggle with safe exercises. I also have the belly button hernia still...

I don't ask for pity, I don't think that's why I'm posting this. I just want somebody to tell me how to fix this!! Yeah.

Bah.

UPDATE (January 9, 2012): My attitude is much changed. I am SO appreciative of the loving comments below - what wonderful friends I have! what a wonderful mama I have! So... after gaining another 5lbs over the holidays, I have decided to just get over this, and try! I am drinking a ton of green tea and sipping water all day. I am working out, different muscle groups on alternating nights, with my huz. I am focusing on sitting up straight and sucking it in. I am feeling a lot of pain in my abs! :D I may not shrink stretched out skin, but I'm not going down with out a fight. I am no longer helpless.

Isaiah 55

2011-07-21T20:56:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday at church, I read Isaiah 55 during worship... very *ahem* exuberantly. I was so embarrassed afterward, but I've learned that when the Spirit nudges me to do these things that I should just go ahead, and not ignore Him. I try to ignore Him every time. Why does it have to be me, Lord? It's so embarrassing! And I always cry my eyes out when the Spirit comes on me like that (it's really hard to read through a river of tears.) I'm just trying to vent this honestly - not complain... I'm glad for the rare occasions when God tries to use me and I comply... it's just... well... that was really intense.

If you haven't read Isaiah 55 recently or ever, I encourage you to find it. It's been rocking my world. I am actually trying to memorize it (good thing too! That's what got me through the tears!)

What does the Spirit nudge you to do? is it ever out of your comfort zone? Cuz yeah, I couldn't even see my comfort zone last Sunday. *puts hand to forehead as if to shade slit-eyes and peers into the distance* "Comfort Zone? Comfort Zone?? Where are you???"

Pigtails

2011-07-21T20:47:00.000-04:00

*sigh* ;o)

Today, I looked at Zaya's gorgeous strawberry blond locks and realized she could pull off pigtails...

... if I could get her to hold still long enough!

I ended up having to put a Baby Einstein video in, but I hope that will help her slowly developing language skills, so it was doubly beneficial, right? She watched the video while I pulled and tugged and finally made it happen!

Can you believe how much longer Eva's hair is? wow. They look so sweet in their matching dresses! With the temp (heat index) at 109˚F, why wear anything but a dress?

Worth the Wait

2011-07-17T16:08:00.001-04:00

When I was a little girl, we would go to Gramma and Grampa Lamb's house often in the summer. (That's Grandma and Grandpa Crissman, for those of you wondering - my mom's folks). They lived on a farm with angus cattle, Guinea hens, sheep, goats, chickens, a multitude of infamous cats (including the renowned Shoester), the best fetchin' dog Cobber (an Autstrailian Blue Healer) and a few Gordon Setters to round up the rabble. There was (OK, I should say is, but things are so different now since Gramma passed in '01 and we all aren't as young as we used to be), anyway, there was a fabulous swimming pool, complete with diving board and super scary bathhouse - scary because the mice took it over long before I became self-aware. (Currently, there is an semi-empty swimming pool, containing snow and rain collections and a random assortment of frogs, muck, and unfortunates. Ew.) But best of all, even surpassing the pool in it's heyday, was The Den. At the back of the house, with shutter-style doors just beyond Grampa's favorite rocker was a musty dusty room with a quasi-tuned honkey-tonk piano, piles of magazines, guns and underneath stacks of books and boxes the best treasure I've ever found.

A vibraphone.

We would unearth it at every opportunity, removing the new stacks of periodicals that found rest on it's table like top and flicking the keys with our small dirty fingers. We would send out search parties for the home-made mallets- usually a super ball stuck on the end of a wooden dowel. We would plink away in that little room until the cows came home ;D

Not long after I met Robbie (before we were dating/courting), I asked Grampa what had become of the vibraphone, day-dreaming of reclaiming it from table-hood and becoming skilled enough to play in front of strangers! He said I could have it and I was quick to pick it up and bring it home. Upon setting it up in my very cramped studio apartment, I discovered that the motor was broken. :(

Vibes are like a xylophone, except they have a neato motor that spins a disc inside the resonant tube below each key - this creates an singularly eerie and awesome sound, which sets the vibes apart! You can also keep the motor off, and play them like a regular xylophone.

I brought the motor to my super-skilled Pa and asked him to figure it out for me, and we were fairly despondent. The housing was cracked and a doohickey inside was loose and clacking around. Worst of all, it was comprised of "pot metal" which is too weak to re-weld... now forgive me, I am drawing up "facts" from 5+ years ago and could be telling you the story all wrong, as far as broken-motor-details go... my memory is notoriously bad... :o/ ... but you get the idea. Broken motor = no vibing for Jes. Little did I realize that the motor was attached to the frame of the instrument, so in giving it to my dad to fix, I was unable to set it up to play in the mean time. Little did anyone realize, the guy who had the skills to fix it would take nigh on FOREVER to get the job done.

Today, I got the motor back.

Today, I played my vibraphone.

You should be jealous. And then, you should get over yourself and come over and play it too!!! We need to buy some real mallets, and replace a rubber ring that either went missing or broke 5 years ago, I just don't know. Meanwhile, wooden dowels wrapped in electrical tape and a rubber band are sufficient.

Look out, world.

Going Camping, Feeling Anxious

2011-06-22T20:29:00.000-04:00

The last time we went camping as a family was a disaster. Zaya was only a few months old, and it got down to the 40s. It was raining when we set up camp and rained hard alllll night. Our little dog gets so freaked out during storms, and the high winds during the entire night had him on red alert the WHOLE time. The winds were so loud, I couldn't sleep - besides the fact that the kids were both in bed with me, scared and cold and I couldn't wake Robbie to save my life! Oh, and though it rained allll night, our tent stayed perfectly dry - that is, besides the one spot where the rain fly sagged onto the roof of the tent and caused the water to condense on the inside and drip right on my face. all night. It was awful.

So, I think that I am sufficiently prepared this time. Plus, Zay's older and Migo's staying home. OH, but the weather report looks awful. Cold and rainy. :(

Please God - change the forecast!

Good thing Robbie is always prepared for the worst, and super helpful (unless sleeping). And, he's taught Eva all she knows! :D Check out her sweet "tool belt," "just like daddy's."

I had to have a Boppy

2011-06-08T22:22:00.003-04:00

I thought I had to have a Boppy,
Found the crib bumper sublime,
Figured a mirror contraption for the car
Would somehow ease her crying.

I couldn't live without that certain
Travel system I adored,
But only for the fabric's pattern,
Thoughts for value unexplored.

I have a meshy handled thingy
For holding chunky foods -
"Keeps baby from choking"
- I have yet to use.

I sort and organize
The play food and dishes every night
Only to watch them dumped each morning,
Such is a mother's plight.

I keep wet wipes in my purse,
In the car and 'round the house.
There isn't a single place
That I'd be found without.

I think in terms of nap times
And how long since she last ate.
I vaguely remember freedom
And sleeping eight hours straight.

I spend my days submerged
In heaps of tiny clothes
Washing, sorting, packing away
For such little repose -
For as soon as something's folded
You can bet a sneaky hand
Will come and throw it on the ground
- I know she understands.

I have a million burp clothes
And not-a-one to spare,
Sippy cups spill from my cupboard,
McToys beyond our share.
Wipes warmers, Chicco strollers,
Toys in every room,
Changing tables, matching bed sets,
Store-bought Halloween costumes,
So many things I fancy are
Nonessentials galore
I've found parenting necessities
Cannot be purchased from a store.

I was so clueless with Babe inside
When we did our registry!
I am so thankful that
The Lord gives Mothers what they need.

What Do Ya Wanna Bet?

2011-06-06T22:43:00.000-04:00

What do you wanna bet that someday I'll actually miss having whiny kids attached to my legs while cooking dinner? How long, do ya think, until I remember fondly the days of little grubby helping hands clapping the suds while I tried to wash dishes, or unfolding the freshly folded laundry?

By the looks of things, it could be quite soon, since time is FLYING!!!

Seriously.

They say you're not supposed to use your blog to rant, that it's rude.

Huh.

My Kidisms from Today

2011-05-31T23:58:00.000-04:00

Eva- that's my poop in there [said peering into toilet]
Me- Yup.
Eva- it's a bean one. You call it a bean one because it has green eyebrows. But I just call it poop.
Me- ?????

Zaya- [brings me a freshly squished ant] gweee!
Me- oh, thank you
Zaya- danku danku danku

Eva- Mom, I want you to set me up with a movie.
Me- nope, it's not movie time
Eva- but Mom, Zaya really wants to watch Dora.

Me- Wow, Eva, you are doing a wonderful job coloring!
Eva- Yeah.
Me- Zaya loves to watch you and copy you... she's learning, but she's not as good as you yet.
Eva- Yeah.
Me- You have honed your skills.
Eva- Yeah! I'm honed. I honed my... my... my... I'm doing a wonderful job coloring, Mama.

The Love of a Sister

2011-05-26T22:06:00.000-04:00

Oh, I just adore these girls!

The love they have for each other just knocks my socks off.

I'm sockless over here.

A trip to the zoo & that evening too

2011-05-26T21:59:00.000-04:00

On the way to the zoo, sunscreen hairdo, excited and she doesn't even know why :)

Eva says those are her teeth.

Spotting some red kangaroos

A very fancy looking white peacock - not albino though, as far as I could tell - the eyes were brown

Can you spot the snapper in the water? Look just above the schwan's head!

Big ole snapper!! yikes!

In the petting zoo now, Zay just loved the little goats :)

Stompin' on the straw. She has maaaybe seen me squash one too many ants lately...?
She stomps on or squashes anything unusual on the ground.

Here's some more hay for ya, goat!

Let's be friends?

Eva was quickly bored with goats, but found a big peacock and
almost got close enough to snag a tail feather! (YIKES!)

the "I'm on a train" fake smile :)

Tunnel!! woooo!!!

Who doesn't love prairie dogs????

Mr. Fancy Pants again, preening

Totally left my purse on "the other continent"... sorry girls, no cash
to buy snacks so that you can feed the giraffes :( rats.

Eva's self portrait with a swingset

That Kind of Mom

2011-05-23T21:45:00.002-04:00

The other day I was driving home with a friend, and the topic of discipline came up. My friend (not a mama yet) mentioned that she thought discipline was probably the hardest and worst part of motherhood. I just completely disagree, so I thought I'd blog it and expound upon my thoughts, since nobody is forced to read or listen to me here (lucky you!)

First (disclaimer) - I only have two children, both girls. Second (disclaimer) - my children are 3 and 1, I have no experience raising teens. Third (disclaimer) - my children only seem to have moderate stubborn streaks, and so far accept the styles of discipline I've tried. (For example, my 1yr old will sit in time out for a whole minute without moving away, after she's done something she knows is against house rules, like stomping in the dog's water dish.)

Onto thoughts: I love discipline. I agree that the act of spanking, or whatever form you choose to use, is gut-wrenching to administer, but how much worse to not discipline just because it's hard? Yikes. There have been moments I've lived through as a mom when my precious child has done something, purposefully, that has unleashed serious anger in my heart. In those moments, the act of discipline becomes gut-wrenching in a different way --- as in Dear God help me to subdue my emotions and discipline my child in LOVE so that they will actually learn!!! It is so hard to be self-controlled sometimes. But still, even when I do fail completely (it happens, aren't you shocked!!?), and react in anger to their naughtiness, right after that comes a beautiful opportunity to express repentance. I want my children to know that only God is infallible. (Seems obvious? but remember when you were a little kid, and your parents were like gods in your eyes? or was that just me?) I cherish the tender moments when I snuggle them into my lap, finally heeding my conscience, and ask for forgiveness. Then we usually pray together, not only for an obedient heart in them, but a more patient and graceful heart for us all. Then, there are times when I keep my cool - blessedly more often than not - and I enjoy the challenge of discipline. I enjoy the creativity it requires to find reality-based punishments that suit the crime, now that Eva, at 3yrs, is actively outgrowing the effectiveness of time-outs. I enjoy knowing that my child is better for the boundaries I set (we set) and keep. I love the effects of God-inspired discipline. I enjoy the tender moment after discipline, when we hug and forgive and talk.

All this being said, I also enjoy the task of choosing what ground I need to fight for and what can just slide. Not every battle needs to be fought (thank you Debby). My children are also better for knowing that there is a time and a place for silliness - games of chase, feet on the table, jumping on the bed... you catch my drift.

I also enjoy welcoming my husband home and not having to say, "So and so did this today and is waiting for you to punish them." My children know that both mama and daddy mean business. That makes things run so much more smoothly, not only for the kids, but also the huz! How wonderful to welcome him home to a place of peace. And peace is a rule here. I keep the peace. If the peace is upset over a toy, that toy is gone. If the kids won't play nicely with each other and peace is gone, both children are expected to help solve and work it out, until peaceful playing is resumed. (By peaceful playing, I mean play that both are happy with, not necessarily quiet, girly, stuff - you can wrestle peacefully - if both kids are willing!) The peace rule helps me to teach against tattling, too.

I went to the WIC office today to finally renew our food benefits, and had a lovely discipline experience. First, in the waiting room, Zaya discovered the echo and was screaming joyfully over and over and over... but we weren't the only family in the waiting room. I needed her to quiet down, but you really can't wallop a kid in the WIC waiting room, AND wallops aren't known for their quieting effect either. ;o) Normally, in this situation, I'd resort to a discreet pinch to her upper thigh, but it just wasn't bad enough behavior to warrant that kind of punishment, in my book. Her heart was joyful, and she had never been in this situation before. It wasn't willful disobedience. But, because she knows I mean business, she did take it down a notch after I went up to her, right at her level and told her to "shush." Good kid. Moments later she was back to screeching, but I just kept trying to teach her... I didn't get bent out of shape about it. I did apologize to the other mom and her young son sharing the waiting room with us though. Zay's exuberance totally freaked him out.

Then, they called us back to a tiny officey room, to check Zaya's growth and go over her nutritional needs. They left the door open. Eva sat quietly in a chair and talked to the WIC lady. "I'm six," she said. HA! Zaya walked out the door. I warned her at the door that it was a "boundary," - a word she's been hearing over and over again since she first learned how to crawl up the stairs. She stopped just outside the door, and I asked her to come back please. She smirked and waited. So did I. Then, she happily toddled back in. She played for a bit on the floor, then spotted the door again, and walked toward it. This time, she paused before leaving. "Boundary, Zay, make the right choice," I said. And she walked out. I got up, discretely pinched her on the thigh (not so discrete since I told you!) --- (pinch your own thigh to know that these are very light/quick pinches and yet still very effective at administering a sting without bruising or abusing). I walked her back through the doorway and said, "Boundary, Zay, make the right choice." Zaya stood there as I walked back to my chair, a pout on her face. Seconds later, she was smiling and playing on the floor until someone walked by the door. Up and toddling back to the doorway, she peered out ... but stayed inside. She snuck a glance at me and saw I was watching... smiled... and waited. The WIC lady got up, and said, "I'll just close the door." (We had been talking over everything whilst the Zay-capades were a-happening). "You don't have to," I said. "I prefer the challenge of discipline. Otherwise, motherhood is just to easy," I joked. "Oh," she said, "You're that kind of mom."

She kept the door closed.

I suppose the interruptions were getting to her a bit... but boy, the room sure got stuffy after that. Blech.

Here's a jillion apprope Scriptures that I love to lean on (NLT):

Proverbs 13:24
Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.

Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your children while there is hope.Otherwise you will ruin their lives.

Proverbs 20:30
Physical punishment cleanses away evil; such discipline purifies the heart.

Proverbs 22:15
A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness,but physical discipline will drive it far away.

Proverbs 23:13
Don’t fail to discipline your children.They won’t die if you spank them.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Hebrews 12:6
For the Lord disciplines those he loves,and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”

Hebrews 12:11
No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

Revelation 3:19
I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.

Heavenly Father, thank You for blessing me so richly with my two daughters. They absolutely fill my heart to overflowing. Please, help me to keep them at the right priority level throughout my life, just below You and my husband. Thank You for everything You've shown me so far about discipline, and open my eyes to what I do not yet see. Please help me to continue to evolve my tactics as they grow up. Help me to transition in parenting style as they transition from being completely dependant on me to independent, God-fearing, helpful additions to society! Please help all of the young mothers I know in this area, Lord, as we all need your guidance in such unique ways. Thank You for the gift of knowing that my parenting style is right for my children, and that other's styles are right for their children. Thank You that my husband and I are on the same page with discipline, and please bless those out there that are not with the guidance and understanding that will bring them to agreement (with each other and You!) Finally, Lord, please bless the discipline I give to positively affect my children and help them to understand Your Love for them, even at this young age. Lord, I love how motherhood keeps me on my knees before you daily. Thank You. Thank You.

The Catch 22 of an Answered Prayer

2011-05-21T21:25:00.001-04:00

If you read my previous post, Praying for Plants, then you'll understand how this is an answered prayer! Otherwise, click here to catch up!

Today I drove the quick hour to Grand Rapids (gas was even .25 cheaper per gallon than last week!) to pick up the plants from my mom's friend. My mom read the Praying for Plants post, and happened to mention it in conversation and voilà! God was using people left and right to make Agapé a green and lush haven for us!! I kept my hopes low until I actually had the plants loaded into our minivan (a FULL load!) but then I just burst out in praise! Oh Lord! You completely answered my prayers! Thank You!! You even provided the exact plant I had pictured, the schefflera (a.k.a. umbrella tree), in the size I thought would look best and EVERYTHING. Lord, You are undeniably amazing. Here they are, all settled in their new home.

Cat came along to help me unload. Here's the new Norfolk Island Pine, paired up with one
of the few pre-existant plants of Agapé, a smaller NIP. We thought they'd like to be together.

The schefflera, a ficus, and a peace lily.

Avocado tree (yes, this is what you get when you sprout an avocado pit, about 8 months of growth, so I was told)

A pothos vine, arrowhead ivy and a plant whose name escapes me right now...
This will probably get moved from this location, as all these plants like very low light.

A parlor palm in need of TLC - appears to have sun bleaching
on leaves, except that's not what it is...

I am excited to watch them thrive in the new home the Lord has given them, under my care :D

You know, though, it was weird driving home and praising God for the gift of the plants...

What about all the unanswered prayers, Lord? Why would You choose to answer this prayer, and yet not heal Spencer's heart, or Karen's lungs... why not save that tiny baby or stir the hearts of our congregation into generous giving... why...

and I could get lost in whys. A certain Scripture is escaping me right now ~ I can't seem to put my finger on it, but it says something like, "I have blessed him, and he will be blessed." Said by God regarding Job, I thought... The gist being, it's God's prerogative to choose to bless as He sees fit. His ways, after all, are so far from my ways... His thoughts so far above my thoughts... His purposes so deep and wide... Oh Lord, please answer the prayers of my hurting friends. Please bring my loved ones, Your loved ones, to You. Please restore us all to you.... and please forgive me for so quickly becoming forlorn instead of thankful. I am in awe of You.

C sections Suck

2011-05-18T20:35:00.000-04:00

OK. I apparently have some pent up emotions regarding my two Caesarean sections (c/s from here on out). I spent the weekend before Mother's day with my bestie Han Banan Carcass and she shared with me a treasure of a video - our sweetest sister friend giving birth to her third, a baby girl. Oh! The emotion of it was so beautiful! My friend is a champion birther, giving pleasant instructions to those around her, even MID-PUSH!!! I kid you not. So you can imagine, maybe, that it was a peaceful delivery room full of joy and real. raw. emotion. I got so caught up in it. And then I just sobbed my eyes out in selfish pitiful regret.

My labor and birth story with Eva is chronicled here. It took me about 8 months to push the rawness of it all down, and stop crying every time someone asked about her delivery. I'm pretty sure that the only people who will really know what pain I refer to are the ones that not only had a c/s, but also went into labor with HIGH hopes of a natural birth experience, and expectations of labor and delivery as a rite of passage into motherhood. I hear these lies, still, that say things like, "you didn't give birth to your children," "your children are missing something because they weren't delivered naturally," "your body can never give birth naturally," "it's your fault you couldn't deliver them because you weren't strong enough..." Lovely things like that. First, I know they are lies. But... they still stick in my heart like poison arrows.

(My c/s with Zaya wasn't planned ahead of time, but when I went in for a routine ultrasound a day after my due date - they were worried about me because she was HUGE - they discovered what I had been telling my mid-wives for months, that she was not head down, but transverse. Normally, babies can be manipulated externally by a knowledgeable doc into the right position, along with some weird exercises for the mama --which I had been doing-- BUT, because I'd had a previous c/s, that would be too risky on my already stressed uterus. The docs get very concerned about uterine rupture, and law suits for that matter. A c/s without labor is much easier to heal from. Also, having a doc that spreads ab muscles instead of slicing through them helps too. Although Zaya's birth was easier to heal from physically, the emotions are the same.)

When a woman is in labor, it is an emotional roller coaster... it all builds to the climax of actually pushing out your baby... and then hormones are released that cause a euphoric wave of undescribableness as the healthy screaming babe is placed on the mother's belly. The dad can "catch" the baby... the dad can cut the cord.... Laboring for 30 hours, pushing for 2 hours... being on drugs for so long that they wear off and nobody turns down your Pitocin... and then being wheeled into surgery, a failure... that's a different hormone roller coaster. Let me tell you.

I don't want pity. I am so grateful for my healthy daughters! I praise God every single moment for the way He knit them together in my womb! I write just to process this all out, because I just don't want unexpected sobs to overtake me ever again!!! I literally cried so hard at Han's (with her, and later as I fell asleep) that the next day my noggin was so stuffed up that I had a TERRIBLE headache, I even threw up, and just felt awful - until I pushed it all down again. :( so pitiful, I know, but I don't really want sorries - or even answers from God... I just want to have that experience. I always have wanted that... I suppose I may always be left wanting, and I need to learn how to deal with that.

If you know of anyone who ended up having a c/s, and they're having a hard time with it, sit with them, let them talk out their disappointments. Tell them to contact me. I'd love to talk about it with someone who knows.

my little sprouts

2011-05-18T13:08:00.000-04:00

Eva has grown a full inch since we started measuring her against the doorway on March 24! WHAT!? pics to come... For lunch today, Eva ate a peanut butter & jelly on wheat bread, a mandarin cutie (small orange), a bowl of homemade chicken & rice soup, a scrambled egg and a cup of milk. Usually my bigger eater, today Zaya only ate a scrambled egg, a cutie, and some soup bites - mostly carrot (her hair might turn orange from all the carrots and cuties she favors!)

Suddenly 3T sized pants aren't too long for my big baby girl. Suddenly she comes up to my belly button when we stand together. OK, so my belly button sags a bit since the last pregnancy, but rest assured, I'll just show you that in person and not post pics ;D

Soon I'll really need to face that looming decision: home or public school. Wow, that's coming fast.

Zaya just toddled over with her belly hanging out of her shirt, over the elastic band of her pants. Lovely. So much cuter on a toddler than an old man, eh? haha I love to rub that soft, squishy bell! pics to come on that note too.

Have a fabulous day, enjoy your soft squishy parts and take notice of your own growth in the past month or two! I'd love to hear about it!

A week in pictures, from last week!

2011-05-17T11:04:00.001-04:00

My mother's day tulip bouquet that I picked for myself, from my own garden!

Yes, the collection of toys on the window sill are all from McD's happy meals.

Yes, that is classy black duct tape on the corner of the counter.

Eva dashed in front of the camera just as I almost captured a
very sweet one of Zaya... it's still pretty sweet.

Classic.

New game: Bling-a-Boo

Loving the dress-up box!

Flawg

2011-05-13T16:15:00.000-04:00

Eva and I were coloring just now, and I walked away to blog our conversation before I forget..

Eva: Mom, is this flawg?
Me: Where?
Eva: Here. [see picture below] I call it flawg. Actually it's fog.
Me: Oh. OK, yeah. I can kinda see that.
Eva: Mom, I love ya, but I don't love ya.
Me: Yep.
Eva: But Mom? I do love ya. And I love flawg.

"Flawg" on a balloon...

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T20:26:00.000-04:00

I have 3 moms. Each one very unique and special to my heart.

First, there's the young hippie twenty something that gave birth to me. She sang to me when I was colicky. She fed me home made bread and "mama yogurt" and cookies with carob chips; she ensured that I had the very best nutritious foods. She taught me to stand in front of a mirror and critique my body! (She taught me a lot about being critical ;) !!!) She always told me I was beautiful. She encouraged me to sing. She suffered through my teenage angst, when I screamed at her, "YOU ARE THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD!" And, she forgave me when I asked her, many years later. I have watched her be transformed into "Mema," and can not put into words what it feels like to see her love on my daughters. Sometimes, it seems as though there's a window into the past, and she's in her twenties again, loving me. She is the one who's voice I hear in my own, who's words I hear in my mind, who's honor I remember in my heart.

Second, there was a stranger who loved my father the right way. And he loved her the right way. And they loved me with stability, discipline, freedom and boundaries. She fed me square meals with meat and potatoes and veggies and rolls! She totally won my teenage heart first by loving my Pa, second by feeding me, and third by meaning what she said. I was a difficult teen - demanding my own way and taking stupid risks, piercing random body parts and bringing home a new boyfriend way too often - and she was patient with me. Can you imagine coming into the role of motherhood for not just me, but two other teens too, when their mom is your husband's ex, and loving them? I can't. She did. I still cry when I think about how hard that must have been for her. But that's my Debby. She's amazing like that. Now, when I watch her loving my girls with the same abandon she loves her other granddaughters it blows me away even more. Debby is a woman who's love runs deep.

Third, there is my husband's mother. The woman who raised the man that I love - who moulded a God-fearing man out of a baby boy, who trained him up when he was young so that now he stays on the righteous path. This mom, Fran, has taught me how to pray Scriptures over my children and stand in my spiritual authority over them as their mother. She is loyal and patient, gracious and generous. She also let go of her baby boy - her eldest son - when we married, and allowed me to become the most important woman in his life. (That thought kind of makes me glad I only have daughters...)

Three lovely ladies, all with this in common: they are grandmother to my daughters, and when I see the ways they love my children, my heart overflows. Thank you Mom, Debby & Fran for teaching me about being a great mom.

Easter Sunday and Empty Hands

2011-05-01T21:33:00.000-04:00

I had the humbly brilliant idea of asking my good friend at Apostrophe Photo to please bring her camera and do a micro-mini session for us at church on Easter Sunday. We only had about ten minutes, and she captured so many great pictures of us!! I am so pleased. The three above are the ones I think you'll appreciate the most :D Isn't she talented?? And if you knew how fussy the girls were! You'd be even more wowed!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Easter is a special time for any Christian. Yeah. Duh.

As I was reflecting on that fact for the past month, I've come to another, "Yeah, Duh." But, you know me, I'll share anyway. :D

I remember my first few times being at Agapé, when my faith in Christ was new. I remember Craig Geark leading worship and just blowing my mind. It was so good. I love to sing, I love to worship. I looked around me though, distracted by the depth of the worship I saw in the people around me! They danced in the pews, and even lifted their hands. I guess I thought lifting up my hands was simply a gesture of love back then... and try as I might, I just couldn't do it!! It was like a weight was tied to my wrists. It was months before I worked up enough courage to lift them a tiny bit. Slowly, very slowly, I worked up to the very free worshipper that I am today.

But, now I understand why I lift my hands.

In the days of the Old Testament - the days of Moses - church was a tabernacle, a travelling tent. The people had to bring an animal to sacrifice as an offering of worship - maybe two turtle doves, maybe a young spotless lamb, depending on the situation. (See the book of Leviticus for details.) The priests would take the animal and kill it in a specific way, covering the altar with its blood. Being a priest was a bloody and gruesome job. A true picture of the horrors of our sins. How's that for a summary?

Then, instead of revealing Himself to us in words (carved into two stone tablets), the Word of God became flesh and Jesus came to save us from our sin (ourselves) once and for all. He was slain as a spotless Lamb, crucified just as the prophets foretold, and He poured out His blood on the altar in heaven. His blood did it all. His blood bridged the gap between us and our tendencies toward sin and the Holiness of God. He gave up His life and His blood to redeem us!! And then, The Giver of Life was resurrected and transformed - He rose from the grave and now prays for us and constantly makes intercession for us!

So that leaves us still here on earth, with empty hands and no offering to bring. We cannot bring a sacrifice into the church to please God anymore!! Guilt offerings, sin offerings, He doesn't require that from us anymore! Jesus fulfilled all of the old laws, and now we live under a new covenant!

And that's my point - we lift our empty hands to God as if to say, "There is nothing I can bring You, nothing I could do, no way I could satiate your anger against my many sins! Yet I accept what Jesus has done on my behalf and I lift up my hand to You in honor. I glorify You Lord for what You have done! I give You my life, which is already Yours. I give my praise. I worship You with empty hands."

And He accepts us, just like that.

If you've never lifted your hands to Him in worship, but you want to - I encourage you to just try it a little :D

Toot Toot Tootsie

2011-04-28T10:14:00.000-04:00

It seems that I find young motherhood to be riddled with dilemmas.

The first dilemma of the day occurred at the breakfast table, when Zaya let a funny toot slip out. I had to laugh, not only for the sound, but for the face that came with it. I said, "Excuse you, Zay," and then to Eva, "Zaya's such a tooter!" Yes, I am that immature. So then, in some strange effort to teach Zaya what a toot is, I started to make certain sounds with my tongue. Then Eva joined in. Then Zaya followed suit. So, there we are, three dainty, feminine, classy ladies in a spit-spray cloud of toots and raspberries. I had a minute of mommy-guilt, since I really do want to raise up children with some semblance of manners... but soon that was gone, and I lost myself in the enjoyment of the moment. We made long toots, loud toots, and some of us even added in some real ones ;o)

So, the dilemma being whether to enjoy the youthful silliness that for some reason accompanies toots or ignore that, and go straight to etiquette was neglected for the morning.

Ummm... hope I don't pay too terribly for that one later...

Baby at my Breast (explicit)

2011-04-27T23:00:00.000-04:00

I don't usually write poetry, but this topic just wasn't fit for a song, and a regular blog post didn't seem to do the feeling justice. I consider this to be a work in progress, but if I don't post it now, it might become lost in the "to be edited files." I warn of its explicitness, not because of cussing, but because I do not avoid sharing things that weren't shared with me. I feel it is the raw emotion that is explicit. I'm sure all the other moms out there who have nursed can agree - it's an experience beyond words, forgive me for trying.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Before my body ever bore a life
I wondered
What would it be like
To have a baby at my breast.

Would I feel strange?
Would it feel natural?
Would it hurt?
Would it feel good?

Pregnant
Tender
Breasts.
Don't touch me.

Then they handed you to me,
And everything made sense.
You knew just what to do.
It was the best thing
I could do for you
And it happened
All on its own.

And then it hurt.
14 long days and nights
I suffered in streams of tears
I wasn't sure I could go on,
but you needed this from me.
I bled.

Like the sun breaching the horizon
After a long winter night
Suddenly
It just didn't hurt anymore.
Feeling nothing,
Yet there you were, latched,
Getting
Everything
You need
From my breast.

Like a geyser
Blasting
Forceful
Milk streaming out of me!
You gulped and sputtered!
I can't control this!
You'd get too much,
Covering me
In my own milk.
Drenched.

Such a strange sensation,
The Let Down.
Filling.
Deep discomfort.
Like a water balloon,
Stretching at the faucet.

You come to me
Clicking your tongue
Making fists
Like a milk maid
Pulling the teats of a cow.
You nuzzle under my shirt,
I seem to have forgotten
All about
Modesty.

My breast
Brings you nourishment,
Comfort.
Before you loved me
You loved my breast.

You sleep in my arms,
I stare at your face.
Such peace.
Pure rest.
Treasured times.

Soon to be
Weaned,
Now I wonder
Will I ever again
Have a
Baby at my breast.

The Dreaded Crash

2011-04-25T19:27:00.001-04:00

OK, moms. Do you do this?

You hear the dreaded crash, and before you run for it, ripping off rubber gloves or quickly wiping and cinching up your belt, you wait... for the cry... ?

Today I heard the most terrifying crash - like a lamp falling off the end table onto my baby's head or maybe the stereo system being pulled off the credenza by its power cord. (Does your mind try to guess the sounds too? or is that just me??) I was washing dishes. I turned off the running water and waited a beat for the cry - who would it be? Zaya's pained wails or Eva's melodramatic sobs? Wait. No one's crying. Not crying is always worse - I'm panicking now, thinking of serious injuries. I am not sure if it is possible to move faster than I did in that moment. I dashed to the living room, ripping off my yellow rubber gloves and dropping a glass into the sink in a blur. Eva was looking at a book. Zaya was zealously trying to put on some magenta satin gloves. "What's going ...? Did you hear that crash, Eva? ..."

I started to head back into the kitchen, stunned. That's when I saw it. The plant I had hung in the bathroom, to dust the leaves (spray with milk!) had crashed into the tub, shattering its terra cotta pot and covering my tub in dirty dirt.

I was both relieved and exasperated. What a mess!! But hey!! No blood! YES!! :D

No plants were harmed in inspiration for this blog post. (The plant was fine, and happy I'm sure, to be re-potted. It didn't even lose a leaf!)

Celebrating Easter and EJ's Bday in GR

2011-04-25T12:25:00.001-04:00

Gramma made a special bunny cake for Eva's 3rd birthday. My favorite part of the whole trip was later that evening, as Eva got fussy and had a tummy-ache, Gramma (in true Grandma fashion) loved on her as only a grandma can and filled up Eva's precious love bucket to over-flowing. Thanks for the example of the power of Love, Gramma!

I couldn't get a good angle on the cake, but there was green coconut grass and chocolate eggs at the bottom!

running around with Uncle Evan

making a special pansy garden, just for Eva to care for :)

take a picture of this stick, Mom

I've never been in this room before!

Thanks to Gramma and Grampa for hosting us! Thanks for the most gorgeous dress-up dress and shoes! We might have to exchange the dress, since the trauma of the scratchy tulle is still causing problems today... I'm hoping we can get past that! We had so much fun! Thanks too, for inviting Mema and Jaja - hopefully we'll have pics of Eva riding her new tricycle from them sooooon!

Zaya's Dedication

2011-04-25T10:13:00.001-04:00

On April 17, 2011 we had Zaya dedicated - here's the pics :D

Eva turns 3!

2011-04-23T22:00:00.000-04:00

For Eva's 3rd birthday, we filled the old trunk that we use as a coffee table

with DRESS-UP CLOTHES!!!

the girls, waiting patiently for daddy

the grand opening

we're also planning on a family trip to Shedd's Aquarium at some point in the near future :D

My baby is 3. Eva, at 3 years old you are much the same child you were right away - you love books, and read by yourself (look at pictures) almost every day. You know your alphabet, write your name, count to twenty but always forget 15, you no longer tell everyone you are 26 because you are proud to be three. You declared that 3 year olds eat the skin on their apples and the crust on their sammiches, and you boldly suffer through your declaration :) You have been totally potty trained since last summer. You speak very clearly, and make up your own words (to the joy of my heart) when your vocabulary fails you. You call all your dolls and guys, "Goon," or "Goona." You love your sister. You always want to help me in the kitchen, paint, or play with play-dough. You'd prefer to never wear socks, always wear dresses that twirl, and your favorite color is pink. You pray for your friend Calista every night before bed. You love to pretend there's a bear around the corner that's gonna get us. And you LOVE to watch movies. Megamind is your current favorite, but that changes often. Your kindness and compassion, even at this young age, really stand out. Along with your joy, which is a fountain from God. You love to sing, but you are better at keeping rhythm. I pray every day for the wisdom to see your gifts and the know-how to nurture them. I pray that you and your sister learn more of the depths of the meaning of love through the relationship you have. I pray that you are the kind of girl that learns from other's mistakes, and that wisdom is your friend. I pray that you see the value in all people with the eyes of Jesus. I pray for your purity in this unclean world. You fill my heart with hope, you make my bucket over-flow!

Pitiful Sick Zay and Know-It-All EJ

2011-04-19T10:28:00.000-04:00

My poor sick baby! She came down with a terrible cold last week. The kind where she didn't sleep very well because she kept gagging on the mucus in her nose and throat, and then she vomited all over me three times in the night, and I had to hold her alllll night, so she was upright and less likely to gag, and even then, the two of us maybe slept for twenty minutes. That's what a mother's love can look like.

but during the day, she's as cute as can be!

pitiful!

take a picture of me eating my sammich, Mom.

The ways of the world, by Eva Jane.

Zaya eats the crusts I cut off Eva's sammiches.

Big and Chunky

2011-04-18T22:27:00.000-04:00

You ever get a song just stuck in your head for days?

Yeah.

Click here if you dare!

Now it's your turn. :P

(this post just goes to show how quickly a woman can change topics, right?)

I didn't read my Bible today

2011-04-18T22:12:00.000-04:00

I know. What a heathen ;)

I do try to read every day from my Bible. But that's not my point. My point is (drum roll: is Jes actually going to make a point this early on in a post without rambling on?) that you don't have to read your Bible in the morning to have an encounter with the Holy Spirit that day.

I had two amazing moments with Him today. Wanna hear about them? Of course you do. Why else would you be here? :)

First, I was listening to Nancy Leigh DeMoss from Revive Our Hearts on the radio, as I try to do every Monday- Friday. Here's a link to her broadcast from today. Serious wow. But if you don't have 30 minutes to listen, here's the part that struck me: She's been going over the words Jesus spoke as He hung on the cross. Today's words were, "I thirst." First she talked about what Jesus physically endured on the cross. Apparently, the crucified person would eventually succumb to asphyxiation, and breathing is VERY difficult while hanging there. To breathe, the person would need to brace themselves and pull up with their arms (against nails in the wrist) to fill their lungs. So, let's just say, you wouldn't be very talkative, and if you did speak, you would say very important things. So, what's so important about Him saying, "I thirst?" Ah. Well, that is what I liked so much about her broadcast today. You see, Jesus loved the Word so much, that to fulfil the final messianic prophecy that was yet unfulfilled (that He could do anything about personally... while He was alive... I think you understand that I know other prophecies weren't fulfilled until He rose from the dead... I hope you do!) from Psalm 69:21 He endured the almost 6 hours on the cross up to that point before saying the only words that could come across as selfish - I thirst - like, ok! finally! He's human! Of course, He'd be parched!!! I mean, if I stub my toe, the neighbors know about it!! But, for almost 6 hours He hung there, and then at the end, instead of being selfish, but still in all humility and in thinking of pleasing His Father, he said, "I thirst." And only then was he offered the sour wine, thus fulfilling the final prophecy.

Do I love God's Word that much? That one little tiny prophecy in Psalms would mean that much to me? That I would endure all that, just to bring complete fullness to His Word? wow. and, definitely not yet. But Oh, Lord! Please do change me and mould me into the willing vessel that would bless You, glorify You and honor You like that. I imagine that the non-believers all around me would be unable to deny that kind of testimony. Please Lord, help me to live that kind of life.

And then, do you know what happened? Yeah. He gave me the opportunity, and. I. failed.

I was at Meijer, getting OJ for the huz, who is home sick today :( and I saw a woman. (!!!) haha No, seriously, from about 20 feet away, she made eye contact with me, coughed a nasty cough without covering her mouth and held my eyes for the duration of that weirdness, and then she trudged away, leaning heavily on her little cart. As I judged her up and down for her unkempt hair and serious weight issue the Holy Spirit said loudly in my heart, "tell her how much I love her."

Balk.

Balk.

... cough! sputter!! But Lord! I don't know her! And You know I always cry when You come over me like this! And there's people everywhere! This is Meijer for heaven' sake!! Are You serious? You don't really mean me??!! I couldn't! What would I say!??

"Just trust me. Don't be afraid."

But I was afraid. And as I shopped along, rationalizing to God why I couldn't I suddenly realized what I was doing. I stopped and realized she was gone. Oh no! I missed it! I missed my opportunity to bring Him glory! GAH! I started looking everywhere for her. I went all the way to the back of the store (under the guise of forgetting eggs) and looked down every aisle. I thought, if I see her again, then I'll tell her for sure. And then... I'm pretty sure I saw her - well, the back of her - and the back of her got judged in 2.5 seconds even more harshly than the front of her! And I still didn't go up to her.

The prophetic verse from Psalm 69:5 that spoke of me today? Here it is:

O God, you know how foolish I am;
my sins cannot be hidden from you.

On my drive home, part of the weight of my failure began to dawn on me. I prayed that the next person God used to touch that woman would be willing. That they would speak His Word to her. I prayed for forgiveness and most of all, in sheer horror of my judgemental behaviors, I prayed for spiritual eyes.

There you have it. Two very powerful moments where the Holy Spirit was a profound part of my day.

a good day for YUM

2011-04-16T22:58:00.002-04:00

We are having Zaya dedicated tomorrow :)

Baby Dedication is…

An opportunity to thank God for the precious gift of your child.
An opportunity to publicly declare your intentions to raise your child in a Christian home.
A family dedication, where the parents commit themselves to abide by biblical principles and to raise their children according to God’s standards. (source)

In honor of the occasion, the whole entire fam is invited over for lunch after church. I spent a while thinking about what I wanted to make before I decided on a chicken stew. Then, I went online to search for the right recipe. As I searched, I realized that none of the recipes were AT ALL what I was looking for. And that's when I realized I had a recipe in my head. Robbie asked me to write it down, and I thought it would be fun to do it here:

Name:??? Chicken Stew

3 chicken breasts, marinated in italian dressing, cut into stew-sized chunks (cubing is too unappetizing for me!)

1 rutabaga (they come covered in wax, so cut off the outer skin) diced

4 parsnips peeled and sliced

7 carrots peeled and sliced

4 stalks of celery sliced

1/2 onion diced

1 big can chicken stock

1 can cream of chicken

1 can cream of celery

1 t. tarragon <---apparently this is the spice that makes you go, "mmmm, homemade!"

1/2 t. savory

1/2 sage

1/2 garlic salt

1 t. salt

a splash of soy sauce (1 t.?)

olive oil for sautéing

fresh spinach, washed!

cornstarch & milk to thicken until desired consistency is reached

Sauté chicken in olive oil, add a splash of soy sauce for fun. Place cooked chicken into crock pot. Sauté onion and celery in olive oil, let them start to release that wonderful smell before adding the rutabaga, parsnips and carrots. Add seasonings/herbs as they strike your fancy ;) Continue sautéing until all that seems hot, then add chicken stock. Heat until warmish hot :) then add the cream of's. Transfer to crock pot, cook on high for 3 hours or low for 6 hours to maximize flavor infusion. When done, mix equal parts milk and cornstarch in a separate cup (stir with a fork, no clumps!) to get the desired thickness. With such a big batch, it took me 3 T.'s of each to get it right... and I might still thicken it more. This makes a BIG crock pot of super yummy goodness. Oh, and add fresh spinach to your bowl of stew once you serve it, the hotness of the stew will wilt the spinach just right. This adds the aesthetic aspect of color balance (to an otherwise very white and orange pot) and also more nutrition and YUM!

I had no idea what parsnips or rutabagas tasted like other than the little blurb by the picture at Meijer. I just went for it! It looks so yummy and smells really good. (And it is really good!) It has a sweetness to it... not "peppery" like the flavor-explainer things at Meijer said about the rutabagas and parsnips. Plus, those seldom used veggies are PACKED with vitamin C! :D Hooray!

Oh! Can you imagine serving this in bread bowls? wow.

I tried taking pics, but it just didn't turn out. Will try again tomorrow when I serve it!

Maybe then I'll decide what to call it....

My Tuesday

2011-04-15T21:56:00.001-04:00

Do you ever feel like you're just trying to make it until nap time/bed time, and then after re-claiming your house, you just crash. Phew. I do... sometimes. Tuesday was one of those days. Here's what the living room looked like right after lunch:

Why do all toy bins need to be dumped out every day?

I really don't remember there being a reason when I did it 30 years ago.

Thirty.

Guh.

How was your Tuesday?

I was in the middle of laundry - needed to fold those towels on the left, and start the next load located right behind Eva. It's amazing how watching zero TV(movies) effects the cleanliness of the house, isn't it? haha on me.

But hey! My kids are smiling :) and they were even healthy!! And Zaya cut 2 molars that day with nothing but two extra long naps (no tears or snot!)!

Wait a minute. Where is Zaya?

Speaking of no movies, that's going pretty well. I had fun going over the fruits of the Spirit with Eva for the first 25 days. I printed off the verse (Gal 5:22-23) and then the separate fruits mentioned there in the "outline" style so that Eva could color them while we talked about what they meant. It was really fun and beneficial! We took it really slowly, taking at least 4 days for each page, and talking about it at breakfast every day until she seemed to be able to explain it to me. She has done a great job of showing her understanding of these things, and I've seen that understanding grow in these past days :) I love how God sets up teachable moments exactly in tune with the word we are talking about at the time.
Here's the final product:

For Love, she had me draw a cross, a heart, and our family. She drew a cross too, and colored our hair.
For Joy and Peace she used a lot of stickers, and just happened to pick Peace sign ones and flowers. Seriously? I didn't set her up to do that on purpose, that was totally chance. pssht.
For Patience she drew a long wiggling line to represent waiting. Her idea. (All of these were her ideas, from our talks while she colored.)
For Kindness, she made circles to show how being kind comes full-circle.
Goodness was hard for her to illustrate, so it's just blue and pink, but it spills onto Faithfulness which is all about being true, loyal and reliable, which totally describes God, so she drew a blue door to heaven and a ladder coming down from it. For Gentleness she drew a robin's egg and for Self Control she drew scribbles and the letter "S."

Oh, and guess where I found Zaya:

Zaya! We don't climb on tables!! GAH!

She dares me to leave a glass of lemonade on the table unsupervised again.

Rhododendrons and Herbie Curbies

2011-04-14T15:34:00.000-04:00

I am in love with digging around in my yard! It's been fun to be out there identifying all the "volunteers," like these daffodils that sprouted up right by the herbie curbie. I also have quite the collection of tulips (budding now!) and a ton of purple and white violets dotting the back yard. Not to mention about eleventy-billion dandelions just waiting to go to seed all OVER. (I'm allergic to dandelion milk, so grrrr. PS please don't pick bouquets of dandelions for me!)

this hyacinth sprouted up right under our gutter-extender thinger -
I almost killed it before I realized what it was! Love that color! :D

Here's my new Rhodie :) It's actually quite lovely! Thank You, Lord! What a beautiful creation!
Did you spot Eva in the window?

Also, while I'm mentioning my herbie curbie, (don't know what I'm talking about? That's the garbage bin you drag to the curb!) I wanted to share how I earned a month of free garbage service! Usually, the garbage companies automatically set you up to pay quarterly. I discovered that if you pay a whole year at once, they give you a month free - for me, that's a savings of almost seventeen dollars :) Also, you get locked in at the current "fuel surcharge" which is a GOOD thing, since it is sky-rocketing!

Eva calls the herbie curbie, "Curbie curbie." so cute.

Also cute to hear her say:

Hobby Lobby

Wooly Willy

Her latest thing is to say, "that's meat Mom." (that's neat, Mom.) Oh, and I'm "mom" now :P

Praying for Plants

2011-04-12T10:52:00.000-04:00

I have a new task!

If you know me at all, you know I love indoor plants. I love to bring as much greenery inside as humanly possible, even to the point of clutter. I grew up surrounded by plants at home (love ya, Mom!) and at my Grandma Birdie's. Apparently, this is a well known quality of mine! ... boy am I glad to be known for that!

So, I was contacted by Agapé and asked to care for the plants they have and maybe bring in some more! I enthusiastically accepted the challenge without even asking for Robbie's blessing. Since accepting the mini-job, I have been praying that God would somehow provide some larger houseplants, since they can be quite expensive to purchase. (If you're reading this and you have any houseplants that are now too big for your space, or anything you'd just love to donate, let me know!! Hooray!) I posted an ad on Craigslist, but only received offers for small plants I already have. So, I prayed some more. I have this idea that a local nursery might provide plants for us, alongside a sign stating that "____'s nursery supports Agapé going green, show your support for them when you garden this year!" or something along those lines. So, I prayed and always had this one greenhouse in mind - my favorite greenhouse: Wedel's. So, finally, today I got down on my knees and prayed that God would guide me to contact the right person and place and that He would provide Agapé with some fantastic plants before Easter Sunday. And then I made some calls.

I called Wedel's. Guess what? They are enthusiastically Christian-owned. The lady I talked to was not a manager, but she sure was kind. I am expecting the manager to call back sometime today. Please join me in prayer that this manager would have favor on me and Agapé, and that they might be able to provide 1-3 large house plants! I am specifically hoping for an Umbrella Plant. It is neat to be waiting expectantly for God. I do wonder what He's going to do. I thought you might enjoy wondering along with me! I will update when I have more info. Thanks for adding your prayers.

picture of an umbrella plant obtained via Google

Out of Order

2011-04-11T21:25:00.000-04:00

Not the kind of "out of order" that you find on the pony at Meijer... "Out of Order" as in, the first 3 pics were taken April 9th at our house, and the last bundle are from an April Fools day visit to a friend's house to see their baby ducks and chicks :)

I love my boots!

It has been a real job trying to tame the brambley briars back in our yard, but it will one day be a gorgeous garden! I am loving every bit of the dirty fingernails-kids eating dirt-sweaty-work :)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

the ducks, just a week old, I believe

the chicks

our friends David and Max came too

We also played outside for a while, Eva and David chased each other with leaves and had a blast!

he snuck up on her and got her with leaves (surprise!)

leaves are so cool

too much fun with Mr. Tim

Thank you, Friend, for inviting us over! Letting Eva hold a chick and see them up close was SO FUN, especially since we had just been discussing birds and how they lay eggs and their babies hatch... it was perfect hands on learning! Your home and property are so wonderful, and we so appreciate being invited :D

The Eternal Perspective

2011-04-10T18:23:00.001-04:00

Ug. I am currently having one of those moments where it is so hard to maintain an eternal perspective. Do you know what I mean? One of those moments when dinner is taking forever to pull together and two hungry kids are literally hanging on your body, while you try to create a miracle in a messy kitchen? I literally just now had to get down on my kitchen rug and pray. Wow, God, if I'm at the edge over this, how can You use me!? Please help me to be patient and full of gracious kindness with my children and husband right now! Please help me to take my eyes off of the here and now and refocus onto You, seated on Your throne, in perfect control. I am feeling better already :o)

Search me oh God, and know my heart.
Test me and know my thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT)
- this is what I repeat over and over in my head whenever life gets like... well, like this!

Good bye 3" Shag

2011-04-10T13:44:00.000-04:00

When we first bought our house, I found 20'x20' of orange shag carpet for sale on Craigslist. I thought it was a for sure "sign" that we were moving into the "right" house, because that was the perfect amount of carpet for our rec room in the basement. It was to be Robbie's den - and a place for us to watch movies as a family, since we had intended on banishing the TV to the basement :) It looked so sweet and retro down there after Robbie had first installed it! And then...

And then I tried to vacuum it. Do you know what happens to your vacuum brush when you try to vacuum 3" shag? Yep, it sure gets tangled around the brush and your vacuum goes, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" and then sputters and dies. Any body smell smoke? Weird.

So... I couldn't vacuum it... well, I could if I wanted to just pull the vacuum, but that's not very effective at actually getting stuff vacuumed up. Then we had to call a plumber to fix the drain to our tub (that was supposed to be fixed already : / ) and when he came, he ground bits of metal shavings into the carpet, along with some super nasty looking plumber's goop (not the technical term!). Ew.

Then it rained over 13" in two days, and our basement took in a TON of water... guess what we learned? 3" shag is very absorbent. But then, after it absorbs the water... it gets moldy.

So we spent a WHILE getting all the valuables out of the basement and eradicating the mold with an infrared thingy (don't ask me for details, I trusted others on this one, and it seems to have worked very well - as long as the source of the mold was stopped -leaking water, and it was.)

And then Robbie cut some wood over it and ground in lots of fresh sawdust.

And then I flipped out and now it's on the curb. *phew* (Most of it is gone now, too! Procured by some unfortunate hippies, no doubt.)

Oh crap. The appraiser's coming tomorrow. Not well thought through. :P

The Best Date Night Ever (Happy Birthday Robbie)

2011-04-07T22:30:00.021-04:00

Yesterday was the huz's birthday! He's just now 25 years old. What a cradle-robber I am!! Aw yeah! ;o)

To celebrate, Eva helped me make a card and a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting (from a box and a can, respectively. Hey! don't judge me!) The card was HUGE, and cute. Oh, I should post a pic? OK.

The cake was good, but my camera ran out of memory (!!!) mid-happy birthday song-video, so I don't have pics of that, not that it was spectacular (like something Jenni D. or Lauren S. would make!) in its 9x13 pan. Also, running out of memory mid-video totally ruined the video. Pssht. We also blew up 4 free balloons we got from the Gull Rd Blockbuster when they were going out of business (so they were yellow, and said "Blockbuster") and put up about 4ft of orange and yellow crepe paper. For presents I gave him a used Darude cd (the huz loves his techno *shudder*), the movie Megamind (great movie!) and Weird Al's new kid's book, I know. I totally went all out. :P

But seriously! Jenni and Jon D. came over right after we fed and bathed the girls, so that I could take Robbie out to dinner at Red Lobster - and it was LobsterFest - AND I had a $4 off coupon!!! :D We had the best service and our food was perfection. After dinner we buzzed home to sing, have cake and put the girls to bed (Zaya still nurses, and Eva's really good with the routine we've got going...). Robbie and Jenni put Eva to bed (Robbie liked hearing Jenni attempt to read Dr. Suess' Fox in Sox) and I put Zaya down... or at least I tried to. You know how a baby can sense when you're planning a hot date? Well... I thought I'd nursed her into oblivion, and then she just opened her eyes and began cooing at me sooooo sweetly. Enough of this! I thought to myself. So I laid her down and walked out, hey! I'm under a time restraint, you know! I was hoping that abandoning her to her dark room would make her cry, and then she'd cry until she was tired out and *poof* fall asleep. Good plan, right? No. (Well... maybe it was a bad plan... ?) She kept right on singing. Sang for a bit after we left too, and... you'll never believe it: she sang herself to sleep!! Best birthday present ever. So then we went to The Oasis at 9pm for an hour soak in one of their biggest outdoor tubs! The Mayan room also has a fireplace, and it was just wonderful!! I brought a floatie and just relaxed, and even rubbed the birthday man's feet until my prunyness couldn't rub any more :o) Robbie just laid up against the jets saying over and over, "this was the best birthday ever, this was the best birthday ever..."

Healthy Family, Cake, Presents, Lobster AND Hot tub. Hoo-ah.

muddy springyness

2011-04-05T22:28:00.005-04:00

Way back in the beginning of April (it's the 18th now) we went to Kindleburger park in Parchment and met up with our buddies...

Zaya's first time really freely playing outside. Ever.

Bet you can't pull off the dirt-booger look!

Whoa!

2011-04-03T22:43:00.002-04:00

all these new options for posts are going to take some getting used to! Sorry about being sloppy while I learn, but hey! at least I'm posting pics, right!? :D right.

A trip to the book store

2011-04-03T22:42:00.000-04:00

Granny wanted to take the girls to the bookstore for Zaya's birthday, so we had a fun adventure to the B&N on Westnedge. They have a fabulous kid's section, complete with small stage for reading time. We definitely plan on going back for that some time!

Isn't she a ham?

and she knows it.

taking pics in sports mode

Zaya didn't require sports mode that day.

but she did wake up... she just doesn't run yet (thank God!!)

Coat embroidery by Pat Thayer!

Waaaaayyy too much fun was had! :D

Zaya liked stomping on the wood floor, and then the carpet
... it was really awesome. You should try it.

after B&N, we went to "Old McDonald's" as Eva calls it, so that we could
burn off the rest of her steam at the play-place. Good times :D

Her best friend from that visit :o)

do you wonder what she's pointing at?

aliens.

Do you mop?

2011-04-01T21:42:00.005-04:00

I don't mop.

Ew?!

Why should I? Mops are SO NASTY.

I prefer to get down on my hands and knees with two rags and a bucket-o-suds. I wash with one rag and dry with the other. I don't push dirty water around my floor and leave stains along the edges. I get everything, and I know I do, because my face is right down there! OCD much?

Will I mop when I'm old and can't get on my knees? Nope. By then, I'll be sick and tired of being so clean, and I won't be able to see it anyway! Ha!

Pooses!

2011-04-01T17:30:00.002-04:00

Lumpefug!

Crammato!

These are just some great words that I've had in word verifications to posts comments on friend's blogs. We need to turn these into real words, people. Seriously.

Pooses could be a greeting, or something you sign off with, I think.

Lumpefug... that's what you call burned oatmeal or cream of wheat, right?

Crammato... hmmm... that's what you do toward the end of summer, when your tomato plants are giving you the best most beautiful red ripe tomatoes and you eat 'em up like a fiend.

Have you had any good word verifications lately? So fun! :D

Tickle Tickle!

2011-03-30T10:16:00.003-04:00

Zaya's new "words," "tickle, tickle" captured in "film." She was feeling so under the weather, and you can tell really well in this video, that for Zay, feeling yucky hardly gets her down at all... but she was snuggly and cuddly. This was taken last Saturday.

Tuesday I got reaaaallly sick (yesterday). Not sure what that was! I literally couldn't get up! I laid on the kitchen floor for most of the day, half sleeping/half praying that the children wouldn't injure themselves/each other. Claire came over to rescue me (THANK GOD!!!) and kept them busy until Robbie got home. I felt like my body was separate from my spirit, heavy and SO achy. Every time I stood, my head spun with dizziness and I thought I'd toss my cookies (didn't). I couldn't eat at all, save a few grahams and some water all day. It was BLARG to the MAX. :P Today, I feel fine, but have a different, grosser symptom that says otherwise. But I won't blog about my poo. Aren't you glad? Now, watch the video again and forget about my poo.

Oh da Shrimpins!

2011-03-28T12:44:00.001-04:00

Eva's favorite YouTube video.

The Day OF Zaya's Birthday (Can't stop celebrating!)

2011-03-26T21:03:00.011-04:00

Singing - I love how Eva knows the words now :o)

...yeah, that was totally my bad, blowing out the candle. Didn't even give her a chance. I thought I was blowing in a different direction? The camera created some kind of strange wind tunnel? I... I... ???

I love how careful she was ... at first...

"Mmmmmm," she says:

This picture needs no caption, her expression says it exactly.

(anticipating the flash)

going for it!!! Yeah!!

not to be left out, here's Eva, who for once, ate the entire piece of cake and didn't just lick off the frosting. Wow. She really is growing up!

Considering the facts that Zaya and I both had sore throats and yucky colds, and I didn't decorate AT ALL, it was a pretty nice birthday. We just snuggled around all day in comfy clothes and Eva helped me bake the cake. We're planning to celebrate Zaya's birthday and dedication AND Eva's birthday all at the same time at some undetermined future date... I'll keep ya posted! :D *groan*

Happy Birthday Zaya!!!

2011-03-23T14:39:00.001-04:00

A year ago today my second baby was born. I am amazed by her! I watch her, in awe of her joyful spirit. She is just so silly!!!! She's still a bit unsteady walking, but will venture out across the room for nothing in particular more than she will come to me! (She appears to love falling into my arms, like it's more fun to be silly than to actually walk. Classic Zaya). She shakes her head back and forth ("no"-style) just being silly, clicks her tongue and wiggles her hips when Daddy plays his techno music. (GUH!) She is cuddly and sweet. She loves to snuggle with stuffed animals (Eva never did. Eva liked - and still prefers - books), she loves to EAT (couldn't tell, could ya!?), and she loves her daddy.

Here we are celebrating at Mema's house, the second weekend of March.

Mema & Jaja gave her a Bounce & Spin Zebra. HUGE hit!!!

Not to be left out, Eva received her first Etch-a-Sketch.

Auntie Sara came for the party!

So did Uncle Evan!

(Also, Aunt Becca & Uncle Jake were there, and Aunt Gaby -expecting!!!- and Uncle Jon too. Sorry I didn't get pics of them!!! Not to mention Mema and Jaja!)

Oh! Jelly beans!

I spy with my little eye... JELLY BEANS!

This toy is so much fun! Thanks, Michelle V. for introducing us!!

Then, Mema and I valiantly tried to get a picture

of the girls in their matching party dresses...

Here, have some tortilla chips and stop fussing!

I just want ONE GOOD ONE!!!

A Night of Worship with Doc & Karen

2011-03-22T14:48:00.001-04:00

We started out our evening with Doc, Karen & their life group by

wishing a happy birthday to Keri!

then it was warm up time...

After we'd sufficiently ran through the chosen songs for the night,

we gathered in Doc's studio (a little taste of heaven for many of us!)

for prayer.

Patti and Jen

Darren and Steve P.

Sorry it's fuzzy, it's the fault of the autofocus - sometimes it just won't work.

Anyway, I love this one of Cathy, Karen and Doc.

Steve and Joan C., along with contributions from some of the worship team,

made a special shadow box for Doc, which Steve C. presented in the

middle of our marvelous time of worship.

(Pictured: Steve C., Cathy, Art, Karen, Doc)

(thank you, Keri, for taking pictures!)

Cathy, Art, Karen, Doc, Sherri, Keri, Lisa, Dorothy

Here's me, Jenni and DeeDee

Steve C., Kim, Tom, Elaine, Darren, Steve P.,

and a tiny bit of pipin' Patti & Jen's hand ;o)

My favorite picture from the night.

Doc and Karen are such inspiring people. I'm sure they don't feel that way, but God is really using them. Even before ALS came into their lives, Doc and Karen were a shining example of walking out true Christian faith. Doc tore it up on the worship team, playing guitar and enjoying the fragrance of worship to his core. Karen supported him from the pews, arms and voice raised. Then Doc was diagnosed with ALS, and things began to change ... but not their faith. Their faith in God and in Jesus Christ remained steadfast. Their reliance on the Holy Spirit for courage and comfort may have grown, but I am just speculating... after just marriage and children, who's reliance on Him doesn't increase?!

I was never super close, or best buds with either Doc or Karen... Yet they are both so warm, so welcoming - in a way that those words don't do justice. They make you feel like family. So here I am typing about them, yet I know so little. I do know what I've seen - I've seen a couple model marriage and servanthood in a beautiful Godly way. I'm especially blessed by Doc's attitude of gratitude for each day and the acts of mercy and grace he experiences from God. He just lets the Spirit of God flow through him. Not to leave out Karen, who serves her husband with a gorgeous smile and joy-filled spirit. I'm sure it's strenuous to serve someone with so many needs, yet she does so with love and it helps me take what I have less for-granted. I'm also sure it's not easy to allow yourself to be served either, to watch your independence dwindle and be so completely reliant on someone else. Yet Doc fully grants Karen the blessing of serving him with his chivalrous character. I drove home in grateful tears, momentarily recognizing the blessings of health, marriage, and service that I so easily overlook day to day. I will pick up my guitar, hug my husband and children and dance with vigor for you, Doc.

I don't mean to assume that they are perfect, but what a perspective God has given them, and through them, us. Hallelujah!

We had a wonderful time of worship. Thank you, Doc & Karen for inviting us!

* * *

Psalm 96

¹ Sing a new song to the Lord!
Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!
² Sing to the Lord; praise his name.
Each day proclaim the good news that he saves.
³ Publish his glorious deeds among the nations.
Tell everyone about the amazing things he does.
⁴ Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise!
He is to be feared above all gods.
⁵ The gods of other nations are mere idols,
but the Lord made the heavens!
⁶ Honor and majesty surround him;
strength and beauty fill his sanctuary.

⁷ O nations of the world, recognize the Lord;
recognize that the Lord is glorious and strong.
⁸ Give to the Lord the glory he deserves!
Bring your offering and come into his courts.
⁹ Worship the Lord in all his holy splendor.
Let all the earth tremble before him.
¹⁰ Tell all the nations, “The Lord reigns!”
The world stands firm and cannot be shaken.
He will judge all peoples fairly.

¹¹ Let the heavens be glad, and the earth rejoice!
Let the sea and everything in it shout his praise!
¹² Let the fields and their crops burst out with joy!
Let the trees of the forest rustle with praise
¹³ before the Lord, for he is coming!
He is coming to judge the earth.
He will judge the world with justice,
and the nations with his truth.

Stair Master

2011-03-18T21:42:00.002-04:00

Craft Time!!! Ditalini Style

2011-03-18T20:33:00.006-04:00

We gave up TV for "Lent." Except we're not catholic... we just found ourselves putting it before God, and the timing happened to be right, and forty days sounded TERRIBLE (aka good), so we went for it. Eva was asking me multiple times during the day to watch movies - sure, all of our movies are "good" - we love the Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street, Veggie Tales and Leap Frog movies that we have, not to mention the Pixar ones!!! - but still, she's a KID!! I want her little mind coming up with ways to stay entertained; I want her discovering and exploring her world, not passively having it presented to her. Not only that, but that's all Robbie and I were doing at the end of a long day too - just pop in a vid and cuddle, oh, and munch on junk food. Yag. It's been interesting explaining to Eva what sacrifice means, and that we are to replace the time we would've spent watching TV with doing things for God. Most importantly, I hope to get the girls to come with me and visit an old-folks-home. I'm sure we could brighten their day.

Anyhoo- without movies to fall back on, I've had to really have a plan each and every day. Craft time is KEY. We started with a memory verse: Galations 5:22-23, and have been coloring the various fruits of the Spirit, talking about them each day. The first day, then, was "love." I asked Eva what she LOVES to do, and she said, "paint!" So we decided on a very fun craft: dying noodles for making a pasta necklace, and then painting with the leftover dye. Needless to say, she LOVED it!! :o)

We used ditalini pasta, because it's perfect for beads. (Fun for mac n cheese too.)

I just followed the directions for dying easter eggs on the food coloring pkg.

(above)Eva scooping out the noodles onto a paper towel lined jelly-roll pan.

(below)Eva painting paper towel with a dropper from an infant medicine thingy. Meanwhile, the noodles dried (they had to all be separated, so as to not stick to each other. The dye is hot at first, and sorta kinda cooks the noodles a tiny bit. More patient people might have waited for it to cool, but hey!! we aren't to that fruit yet!

Notice the focused expression? Lips loosely pursed...

She made that same face the whole time. It took her some time to learn the skills of the dropper, but she totally got it after a few minutes.

And then, we made a necklace for Daddy. He wore it to teen group that night (this would be last week Wednesday - slacking on posting these pics!) and he got sorta sweaty during game time, turned his neck green. Maybe I should spray it with shellac?? Comments?? How do you make a dyed-noodle necklace not stain??? Hmmm. Maybe I should Google that. (OK, Google provided me with no good tips within a few minutes - ((again, the patience thing)) - other than to dye the pasta using straight alcohol and dye... but then the pasta is inedible, unsafe for babies. Hmmm. No thanks.)

Posing dramatically with her paper towel paintings drying over the tub (they were WET!!) But, dyed paper towels make excellent home-made tissue paper in a pinch! :D

The Little Things She Says...

2011-03-17T22:24:00.004-04:00

I just love the way Eva expresses herself. Here are some I hope to remember and treasure FOREVER!!!!

The other evening Eva was playing with her very good buddy, Little David. He was playing a bit rough with her, so she stopped him and said, "No, David, don't do that. You have to be gentle with me because I'm an angel. ... I'm my daddy's angel." (emphasis hers, complete with Eva style hand gestures - the hands outstretched in front of her making and "L" with one hand and a "C" with the other. She always does that!) ...Little David just looked at her like, "Okaaaaaaaay...?"

Or about a month ago, I gave her a high five, my hand out and she hit it... but she hit it kinda hard, so she said to me in her "hurt" voice, "Mama! you have to be careful with my little hand..." (so hard not to laugh!)

Or when she's playing with her toy stethoscope and she listens for Zaya's "heart beep."

Or that she never says "I am..." She'll always say, " I mam..."

Or "I falldid down."

Or how she doesn't have hands, legs or toes; Eva has "little hands," "leggies," and "toesies." ---I don't call them that!! It's allllll her.

Or how she says, "I don't love you. But I do love you." Even in prayer to God. Example: (in a breathy, dramatic, tiny girl voice) "Heavenly Father, I don't love you. But I do love you. Thank you for my friends and help Jesus not to die on the cross." (Hard to explain that one on her level).

She names every toy or remotely nameable object either "Goona" or "Gorro." Or "Enya." Except for her owl from Build a Bear - his name is Jelly. (Pretty sure that's from James Taylor's Jelly Man Kelly song that he did on Sesame Street)

Not to forget Zaya in all of this. Now Zaya expresses herself in her own happy babbly way alllll the time!! She seems to have a different way of learning to talk than Eva. Zaya learns a new word and then just stops saying the last one. I do still get the occasional "Mama" and "Daddy" and "Dink Toom (thank you)," but the one she says all the time now is "Yeah!!!" and also the exuberant "ZAYA!!!" Just a few days ago, I was filling the tub for bath time and Zaya got SO excited when she saw the water running, she starting to say her name, but with so much gusto it was like a drum roll: "zzzaaaaAAAAAYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!" She was geeked. Hey, my kids love bath time, by the way.

Here they are, dressed up for Zaya's first birthday party at Mema's.

Eva loves to match her sister :D

Faces I Love

2011-03-15T19:28:00.004-04:00

This is my great friend, "Aunt Claire."

Bring on the Spaghetti!!

2011-03-15T18:41:00.005-04:00

I'm pretty sure I could make spaghetti 3 times a week, and my family would still wolf it down...

My favorite part: comparing Eva's now fine-tuned and neat eating tendencies with Zaya's newly acquired "raking" method :D

It's a lot cuter when I post pics of the kids, as opposed to pics of Robbie and me, eh?! haha

(pics from 2 separate spag dinners)